Spoilers Below

When I was catching up on the previous season of Red vs. Blue in anticipation of this new one, I viewed a good amount of it on an Amtrak train returning from a trip out of town. Obviously I had headphones in, like any good seatmate should. You know what good seatmates shouldn’t do? This:

Didn’t know Amtrak had a salon car. In case you can’t tell from the areas I’ve highlighted with advanced design software, that’s a chick painting her nails. On the train.

First of all, who paints their nails in a moving vehicle? Even if one is quite skilled at painting oneself, is it really worth the extra effort? And out of all the moments in their day or trip, was this really the best opportunity they had?

Second, she’s doing this while sitting in the middle of an entire group of people in a poorly-ventilated box for two-and-a-half hours, the closest of said people, me, is so close that her and I share an armrest. Can she see everyone? Does she know we can all clearly smell the overpowering toxic fumes being emitted from her little one-seat beauty parlor? Maybe breathing the vapors in excess caused the part of her brain that considers others to rot away and die.

I thought nothing could top my usual train pet peeves, like when people eat smelly food on the subway. Like this guy on the 2-train during the evening rush hour:

The 2-trains have a Chipotle car now? News to me. I was praying that during a turn someone would accidentally smush it into his face. No such luck.

The last time I traveled I took the bus, and though it was an hour late, my seatmate was pleasant. She made a brief phone call before the bus left and needlessly apologized afterwards, saying she wasn’t one of “those people.”

“Me either,” I replied. “I’ll probably just sleep the whole time.” But I paused for a second, thinking that I generally don’t like the idea of people getting too comfortable around me, especially strangers. So I added, “Although, I am prone to night terrors. It’s no big deal, though. Just – if I start screaming about giant spiders – please jam my wallet between my teeth so I don’t swallow my tongue.” With that, I drifted off to sleep.

What does all of this have to do with Red vs. Blue? Absolutely nothing, just had to get it off my chest. And honestly, the plot of season 11 – episode 2 was a bit light, so what the heck? Anyway, let’s get on with the review.

With the tank back at Blue Base, Washington warns Tucker that no one is to touch it. Wash also alludes to the fact that he is responsible for the team now. At the Red Base, it’s just a continuation of the previous episode, with more of Sarge and Grif criticizing the base’s layout. Simmons defends the placement of the base, especially because it is conveniently located near the ship’s faulty engine, which will keep them warm all winter. Sarge points out that ship engines also give off large amounts of radiation. The short episode ends there.

Although the story didn’t seem to go anywhere, it appears as though the episode’s details might be foreshadowing something to come. Regardless, there was a good amount of back-and-forth banter between both teams, and that made it amusing enough to watch.

Check back next week to see what this all leads to, and “try not to shoot anyone while they’re trying to brush their teeth.”

(7/10)

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