Review: Transformers Combiner Wars “Darkest Hour”

Where is my mind? Where is my mind? WHEEEEERE IS MY MIIIIIIIND?

Transformers as a concept is already pretty nuts on its own. Alien robots that turn into vehicles, animals, weapons, and, occasionally, all three. There are good ones and bad ones and they fight a lot. It’s not an idea that requires a whole lot of thought to like or even accept. Nearly everybody can get behind a big hulking bot, especially when it can fuse with other big ones to make an even bigger one. It’s an idea that has been told in nearly infinite ways to varying success and acclaim, but to reiterate, it doesn’t require a lot of thought to understand.

It does require SOME thought, however.

SPOILERS

Last we left our heroes, fan-favorite and severely hyped up Combiner character Victorion descended from the heavens, explained her backstory and what she planned to do with the Enigma of Combination, and then achieved true peace between Autobots and Decepticons, leaving two free episodes for actual character development and world building that instantly changed this series from trainwreck to instant classic that would be forever beloved by the fanbase universally for all of time.

…wait, that was just my fever dream. Here’s what really happened.

REAL SPOILERS

Starscream relishes in his new form, created from merging Computron, Menasor, Devastator, and Victorion together forcibly with him at the center, totaling 23 bots if the wiki is to be believed! And it just looks like a bigger, glowier paintjob of Starscream. Not even gonna try to come up with a design that incorporates all the components? He glooms over the “wasted years”, all of his accomplishments and things he’s been through that have been…worth it. So I guess they weren’t wasted, then? But nevermind that, because now he can’t control it and dissolves into a formless purple cloud with parts floating around his stupid head. Some even make it to the ground and go back to normal, but don’t bother becoming their standard forms. Because remember how Combiners are made up of MULTIPLE INDIVIDUALS? This show sure doesn’t.

Starscream starts screaming in agony while manifesting missile turrets from literally nothing. Windblade says stop it. Starscream starts blowing up multiple areas of Cybertron all at once with a big ass laser. Megatron wants to leave. Optimus doesn’t. Starscream wrecks more shit. Windblade charges at him and gets shocked, falling to the ground and she might possibly be dead. Megatron says it’s over, and god I wish that were true. See you at the finale!

I don’t…what the…how in the…huh?! I know my description might not be as…descriptive as it usually is, but this story has truly gone tits up by this point. It’s seriously all I can gleam from this…display. There’s no way to tell what’s happening, how we got here, what anyone is thinking…I would honestly be better off watching all the Michael Bay movies again. At least then, I would know that they at least didn’t pretend they were anything but explosions and nonsense. Next week is the last episode, but the “Prime Wars Trilogy” subtitle seems to imply this already has at least two more seasons coming up. I pray to Primus this is not true.