Review: Bravest Warriors “Fast Times At Saturn Oaks”

Well, just look at that girl with the lights comin’ up in her eyes.

Spoilers Below

The Warriors are spending the day at Saturn Oaks mall. While Chris is peeing into a dimensional urinal, he finds himself reading the mind of the old man standing next to him. The old man, Carmichael Smithers, was recently fired after working there for 50 years. Angry, Carmichael has a plan to steal the billions of dollars from the registers in the food court. Chris, not understanding his new power, keeps creeping up on the old man. Eventually, the old man finishes and leaves the restroom.

The rest of the Warriors are near the dating rink. Apparently, if you float in the stream of plasma in the rink, you can go on a mind date with someone else. Plum suggests they go in so Beth can find someone else to date but Beth doesn’t like dating rinks. Chris runs in to tell the gang that he can read minds. All Wallow notices is the Emotion Sword on Chris’s back. Chris, wondering if the Sword is affecting his powers, notes that he can’t leave it at home. Danny rushes over to get Chris to read his mind. But all Danny is thinking about is his facial hair. He invented a device that creates temporal beads on his hair follicles, resulting in a time-machine on his facial hair.

Danny and Wallow head over to the skating rink while Beth is busy making eyes at a cute boy working at a counter in the food court. Plum asks Chris to read her mind. Apparently, she is having some dirty thoughts because it makes Chris blush. Beth decides to go buy something from Counter Boy and Plum rushes off to join her.

Just then, Chris notices Carmichael going into the arcade. Chris follows. When he reads Carmichael’s mind, he finds that the old man planted a bomb in the nearby restroom to set off the dimensional urinals. Before Carmichael can set the bomb off, Chris removes it from the restroom. When Chris confronts Carmichael, he inadvertently sees Beth giving her number to Counter Boy. Chris’s emotions make his powers go haywire. They set off all of the nearby electronics, including Danny’s facial hair device. The wonky device makes Danny’s hair grow so much that it fills the entire mall like a tidal wave. Chris uses his power (and Danny’s hair) to throw beat up Counter Boy and throw him into a dumpster. With his rival out of the way, Chris reverts back to himself. Stunned by what he had done, Chris doesn’t even notice that Carmichael still managed to steal the money from the food court and escape.

This is what I have been waiting for! Now that we have gotten past the catch up episodes, we can get to the good stuff. Chris is unable to deal with the fact that Beth has chosen to not date him. While Danny is sad, he pushes down his feelings by trying to find someone else. But Danny isn’t an Emotion Lord. Chris needs to learn how to control his emotions before they seriously injure someone. It will be interesting to see how Beth treats Chris now that she knows he may accidentally throw a tantrum if she even attempts to date anyone else.