Exclusive Report: How Click-Bait Starved Press Outlets Helped Fan The Flames For The Szechuan Sauce/Rick and Morty Fiasco And McDonald’s Is Cashing In

There’s a big problem here.

For about ten years, Vice News has been my go-to source for legitimate world issues. Whether it has to do with our current political shit storm to learning about new tech or anything with Isobel Yeung attached to it, Vice was my last strand of hope for just straight up news. Yea, they curve to the left a little bit, but I’m cognizant enough to realize that I’m sure that has more to do with keeping their millennial-focused audience entertained than anything else.

Millennial-focused…I want you kids to understand this…millennial-focused. It’s what a majority of the internet news outlets pitched to their venture capital firms to get a bunch of money just so they can shovel you guys click-bait articles like there’s no tomorrow. And by far, there has been NO single meme-story that has been completely sucked dry of any virial authenticity, then the Rick and Morty/Szechuan sauce gag from the show’s season three premiere. A season three that aside from the Szechuan sauce, wasn’t without other click-bait worthy headlines authored up by the likes of Vulture or Christian Post, like that whole Rick and Morty/Game of Thrones mess or how about the honky horseshit that caused Justin Roiland to fly FROM Germany to Los Angeles so that a press conference can be held to dispel any of the rumors having to do with behind-the-scenes drama between him and co-creator Dan Harmon, again LARGELY as a result of false press reports with no proper sourcing.

At the end of the day, all of those bylines are as a result of just mean-spirited people who have nothing else better to do than to start flame wars. In the case of the GoT/R&M fanbases, it was rather apparent, but with the Szechuan sauce, the results are 100 times worse, and McDonald’s is profiting.

Sorry Dan Harmon, no I do NOT think that McDonald’s owes you anything for piping up interest for the return of the Szechuan sauce. As a matter of fact, the biggest fast food restaurant chain in the country largely distanced themselves from the Rick and Morty brand in their big announcement for the one-day return of the sauce. As far as I’m concerned, you guys got yours. You got gallons of Szechuan sauce sent to you and advertised that you did so. That was your reward for giving the long-dormant sauce a free plug. Is it sad? Sure. But that’s not even the worst thing about this story.

McDonalds’ bottom line is profit. They don’t give a fuck about Rick and Morty or Adult Swim or any of the Rick and Morty fans. They want to keep minimum wages low, value menus high (is anything even a dollar anymore at McDonald’s?), and their pockets fat. So, of course, McDonald’s is not going to acknowledge Rick and Morty, but really they didn’t have to…you know who did???

The “press”:

Fucking Entertainment Weekly didn’t even spell the name of the sauce correctly, but don’t worry guys, every one of these outlets will get notified when the next Rick and Morty press junket is! (unlike us, and that’s on you Adult Swim PR)

And really, this is how it happened. Shitty press outlets like IGN.com, Vulture, Polygon, and others all made sure to tag Rick and Morty and Szechuan sauce in every one of those bylines making sure that YOU were convinced that they were one and the same by using classic click-bait practices that aren’t taught in any journalistic institution in America. They all took advantage of the same millennial audience that made Rick and Morty the #1 comedy series on Adult Swim and helped turn those kids into rabid and stupid customers for McDonald’s with the golden arches not having to spend ONE CENT on marketing. Not..a…one.

And that’s not the best part. McDonald’s has some SMART motherfuckers working in their marketing departments. You know what they did? They short-stocked every McDonald’s of Szechuan sauce and caused an uproar on lack of sauce!! They claim more is coming, but this is actually classic supply and demand marketing 101: starve the consumer like babies looking for mother’s milk, then give them a nipple, because they’ll come back for more LONG after the season three finale of Rick and Morty. This notice I assure you was prepared WELL in advance of the whole shortage fervor and was administered at exactly the right time.

The only thing I’m kind of worried about is the safety of McDonald’s employees. I used to be one while in high school and I gotta tell ya, it’s a low paying job with no advancement opportunities, but if you were a kid like me needing to buy his first car on his own with no parental help you put up with it. What you don’t put up with is abuse at your job because you might not have a Szechuan sauce. And I hate to say this because I genuinely think that the producers of Rick and Morty are good people, but heed my warning.

If people get hurt or harassed or arrested because of this Szechuan sauce, everybody from Adult Swim to the producers of Rick and Morty could be held accountable. Granted, I don’t know if any of them abused their fans with the Szechuan meme as much as the aforementioned news outlets, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t innocent. Everybody on the staff of Rick and Morty including the writers, creators, and public relations could have a nightmare on their hands if someone gets injured or worse all because of a silly joke. If you recall, Pokemon Go was a thing until reports of child predators using the game to stalk kids happened and now you almost never hear a thing about the game…but it used to be this.

If I were them, I’d move on, and then hold all those press outlets accountable and perhaps start taking away ad dollars and “Exclusive Window” opportunities for stories. Do enough of that, and that’ll straighten the press out. In the meantime, perhaps Rick and Morty Season Four can have some sort of a funny punchline having to do with apples or oranges so at least if these kids are gonna go nuts they do so over healthier options than McDonald’s Szechuan sauce.