Review: The Simpsons “The Last Traction Hero”

Can I be your hero?

Please Consider This Your Waiver of Liability for Any Spoilers

Ownership of physical spaces – whether parking spots or bus seats – is serious business. Homer is stymied by the lack of prime blacktop real estate at work, but then he stumbles upon the best spot in the lot: that of Mr. Burns, who is away on a hunting trip with the “Order of the Knights of St. Caucasian.” He even goes so far as to lounge around his boss’ office, but when he is found out, a bizarre trapdoor accident leaves him in a full upper-body cast.

Consequently, to ward off a lawsuit, Smithers drops by the Simpsons house to trick Homer into signing a waiver of liability. But then he unexpectedly forges a friendship with Marge, as the two commiserate over their shared experiences of loves that the rest of the world does not understand. Ultimately, a truce is brokered, because Homer is comfortable with outsourcing the fulfillment of his wife’s emotional needs, and suing would mean Smithers would not stop by anymore. The only one disappointed is Maxwell Finch, the personal injury lawyer Homer hires, but Homer makes it up to him by falling down the courthouse steps.

Fundamentally, this is an episode that examines the state of Homer and Marge’s marriage, quite an evergreen topic. I am always wary of storylines that take an overly critical look at their union, and “The Last Traction Hero” appears to be heading in that direction, but it ultimately, thankfully, asserts itself on the side of believing in these two. Plus, the whole affair genuinely works out for everybody, which I will always cheer for.

Elsewhere, arguments about school bus seats are spiraling into full-on fights, thus giving Lisa the opportunity to put her peacekeeping skills to use. Skinner gives her total and complete control of bus monitoring, and she immediately designs a seating arrangement that prescribes an ideal pair for everyone (Milhouse, naturally, is best left by himself). But she soon starts tripping on power, unilaterally deciding that she should expand into cafeteria seating, who gets picked for what team, and who’s a swinger and who’s a pusher. The universe shows her the error of her ways, as it turns out the natural order of the bus is chaos, and everything reverts back to normal in one fiery ride.

This B-story starts off from a similar place as the main plot, but then it veers off into its own thing, which is unfortunate because it merits having enough room to be its own thing. It has some memorable moments (especially the 1984 parody that really digs into Lisa’s psychology), and it resolves fairly enough, but it could go deeper if it had the space to do so. Modern Simpsons writers have a problematic tendency to smoosh two perfectly substantial stories into one episode when they should be confident enough to let them stand on their own. So, “The Last Traction Hero” ends up a decent enough half hour, when it could have been TWO GREAT half hours.

Memorable Lines and Random Jazz:

-Mr. Burns, on sedated quail: “How am I supposed to hunt it if it can move?”

-The Geezer-Canceling Headphones may be a long-overdue boon for Homer, but they’re a disaster for those of us who love to hear Grampa drone on.

-Homer imagining himself sitting at his stool at Moe’s while saying “If only I was free to move” is the sort of thoughtful, patient (not-quite-)cutaway gag I can get behind.

-A “555-555-5555” joke may be nothing new, but damn if Maxwell Finch saying it isn’t EXACTLY what I need.

-“That’s like telling Three-Finger Brown he can’t play for the Brooklyn Tip-Tops.”

-Can someone please stuff my stocking with Mr. Burns’ panda handkerchief?