Review: Son of Zorn “The War on Grafelnik”

War…what is it good for?

Spoilers Below

As a child of divorce, Alan’s holidays potentially mean extra presents, heightened tension between his parents, or both. Since one of his parents is Zephyrian, all of this is heightened beyond what most kids of split households might experience. Not only is this family especially extreme, they are also unusually honest, disturbingly open about all their subterfuge.

The crux of the conflict has to do with Christmas and the Zephryian revenge holiday Grafelnik falling on the same date this year. Alan is looking forward to Christmas with his mom as usual and additionally Grafelnik with his dad, but any chance for Edie and Zorn to be unreasonable with each other is a chance they will take. So Alan utilizes that old trick of children of divorce, playing his parents against each other to bribe them into upping his gift haul. There is a slight wrinkle insofar as Grafelnik is not really about gift-giving, but luckily it has been commercialized just like every other holiday. The presents are justified as “revenge against poor people.”

Alan gets a little sloppy with his game, though. It is almost as if he wants to be caught. So Edie and Zorn cook up a scheme to teach him the meaning of Grafelnik. Cheryl Hines really gets to shine in these moments when it is clear what drew Edie and Zorn to end up together in the first place. The cast is just about fully clicking at this point. Alan is still not quite fully fleshed out, but Johnny Pemberton makes up for that with lots of loopy line readings.

Back to the revenge: at the mall, Edie and Zorn get into a fake fight (with real destruction), which sufficiently freaks out Alan enough to teach him his lesson. It also freaks out the other mall patrons even more. So Alan assumes that all the kids visiting Santa must be actors. On just about any other show, his parents would pretend this conclusion is correct, but not Son of Zorn. This is the exact sort of twisted spin on sitcom conventions we have been promised.

Just as delightfully twisted is Craig’s phobia of Santa Claus, which is satisfactorily explained with its own Tarantino-esque backstory. Craig accurately describes it as “like Vietnam, but without the hookers.” It turns out that when he was 6, his dad beat up his mom’s boyfriend while dressed as Santa. Tim Meadows plays this both sensibly and counterintuitively. He lets out screams of terror but mixes those up with a stone cold, even tone when recounting the worst details. Maybe what Craig is really scared of is the darkness within himself.

Memorable Lines and Other Stones of Insight:

-Craig thinks everyone hates his ideas? What gave him that idea?

-The way that Edie says, “Maggie Grace?” makes it sound like the Son of Zorn writers are rather invested in reminding their audience of the Lost/Taken star’s existence.

-“Then I’ll just remind him about the high suicide rate of fathers who are alone during the holidays.”

-“You’re not helping Alan by applying pressure. He’s not a hemorrhaging stab wound.”

-“Well, let’s turn that disappointment into an a-ppointment with Craig.”

-Here’s another tidbit from the Wisdom of Craig: “Any scooper with tuna on it is a good scooper.”

-When getting what he wants, Alan aims … practical. “If I play my cards right, next year I could probably get braces.”