English Dub Review: Ulysses-Jeanne d’Arc and the Alchemist Knight “Utopia, Then…”

…is it “death”? Please, let it be death.

OVERVIEW (SPOILERS)

Having been literally submerged in despair after witnessing Jeanne’s ultimate fate, Montmorency completely loses control of his body and the being possessing him takes over, gaining the full powers of being voiced by Ian Sinclair. He announces himself as Enlil, an ancient Mesopotamian god, who will use his giant space lasers (of which there are at least nine) to destroy the humanity he helped create and make new slaves without free will. Because of course he would, haven’t you been paying attention?

Philippe reawakens in the water, having lost her Holy Grail helmet and no longer being Ulysses Noire. She’s saved by Glasdale, but is still beckoned by the ghost of her dead father to kill the god in order to avenge Montmorency and cement Burgundy’s power. Geez, it’s the final battle and he’s still looking to pimp out his daughter. Well, she decides to get back in the fray (with the camera making sure to get a good look at her rapidly growing boobs and butt as she puts her helmet back on, because if you thought this show had even one shred of dignity left, this is here to convince you otherwise). Her plan is…exactly the same plan she’s used and failed at twice now: grab her target so that Glasdale can try shooting it with his arrows.

As the screaming death metal plays in the background, Jeanne and La Hire are fading fast against Enlil as he summons more demons that begin humping the buildings containing the few remaining soldiers. Philippe makes her move, taking Enlil by surprise, but Jeanne tells her to stop as she can still sense Montmorency within him, so Philippe is struck down. Thanks, Phil, you were as useless in death as you were in life. Jeanne leaps at him, somehow joining consciousness and entering Montmorency’s mind from the first episode, but his younger self rejects her. I guess it’s no surprise he’d be into girls his own age (budum-tssshhh).

But no, it’s actually that he’s so distraught by seeing her future death that he’s given up on life. Using the power of “Anime Speech about Believing in A Better Tomorrow #15B”, she renews his hope in his future and just decides her death…simply won’t happen. Because that’s how history works. So yeah, with his renewed faith, he is able to reject Enlil from his body, banishing him back to the void.

OUR TAKE

Well, points to me for predicting Philippe would come back for the final fight (and I didn’t even watch ahead before saying it!), but then take those points away for the vomit inducing excuse for animation in regards to her transformation. I guess I was always kind of confused why her body type seemed to change when she put the helmet on, but I couldn’t look too hard at the off-model characters for too long without my eyes bleeding profusely. Basically, Philippe’s existence shall always be a sad and ignored life, but I’ll be sure to get more into that a couple weeks from now in the Season Review.

And now, I’ve run out of topics to avoid talking about the escalating insanity that is the main plot, as Sumerian alien gods possess French alchemists while controlling space lasers. It does not get any less weird the more I say it, even for anime, so don’t expect me to stop before these reviews are done. It’s just something I have keep trying to wrap my mind around despite the fact that someone on the production team was either too drunk or not drunk enough to keep their first draft Fate Stay Night fanfic ideas out of this production. Then again, for all I know, this could be a situation like Akame Ga Kill where they had to rush the ending, but it was the basic broad strokes of what the source material was going to do anyway.

I don’t know if we’ll ever truly know the answer, since there doesn’t seem to be a demand for the light novels this show is based on. What I do know is that this show has gone from tolerably trashy to abhorrent to completely batshit in its short run, and as I look into its abyss, that abyss also looks into me. Thankfully, this and my other disturbingly awful show, Conception, both wrap up soon, because trying to find words for how awful this series is week to week is becoming so draining, I feel like I’ve swallowed a Philosopher’s Stone myself. And no, I will not kiss Aaron Dismuke every day to keep myself alive.

Oh, wait, then that means if I don’t do that, I risk being possessed by Ian Sinclair. Well, I suppose that’s not the worst way to go. But this episode is hot garbage, just as the previous ten have been and the finale likely will be.