English Dub Review: I Shall Survive Using Potions! “The Goddess Descends to End the War!”

OVERVIEW (SPOILERS)

Kaoru blows up the head of the soldier who stabbed Fran, heals her, gives her a power up and super powerful sword, then calls down Celeste to pants the enemy forces. Four years later, Kaoru realizes she isn’t aging, so she decides to travel to a different land to find a husband. Also, that one guy who harassed her a bunch…plans to continue harassing her a bunch.

OUR TAKE

Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit that sounds like a lot that happened in the synopsis, right? Honestly felt like someone hit the fast forward button on the plot for whatever reason. Like I said last week, I had absolutely no doubts that Fran would survive that, especially given that we’ve seen these potions do just about everything. Well, not only that, apparently Kaoru can blow a guy’s head off with a potion too! So much for me thinking she wasn’t willing to kill! She could just do that this whole time and chooses not to! And then, while her friend is bleeding out, she decides to do a whole pointless show and dance about giving her a choice about what she’d pick in her next life WHEN SHE COULD BE SAVING THIS ONE RIGHT NOW. For all her talk about wanting to go unnoticed and be normal, Kaoru sure likes to revel in being some holy gift from god, even if it means holding back power that could save tons of time and resources and save lives while also allowing children to fight next to her. I just have too many awful things to say about this part of the story so thank whatever deity is in control of my life that part is over, right?!

WELL GUESS FUCKING WHAT. We get a timeskip to four years later for another stupid arc, one that focuses Kaoru thinking she needs to flee the country because she’s not aging, BUT EVERYONE ELSE LOOKS EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME. Same fucking clothes too! Four years isn’t even enough time for people to notice that shit anyway! But maybe they wouldn’t notice it later if you didn’t DRESS THE EXACT GODDAMN SAME EVERY SINGLE DAY, YOU FUCKING MORON. None of these characters have even changed AT ALL. Fran and her crush got married apparently but they don’t behave any differently. The two little kids who hung around have apparently aged up but lord if I could tell that by looking at them. And FUCKING FERNAND decided to rejoin the plot because I guess there was just too much joy in the world, so we gotta drag out his plot again even if it’s just a gross attempt at humor that wastes everyone’s precious little time left on this planet. Fuck this show, it can’t end fast enough. With the holidays approaching, another bit of time off from this would be a godsend. And like a real one, not like Celeste. One can only hope the next time she shows up the whole planet is obliterated.