English Dub Review: Ulysses-Jeanne d’Arc and the Alchemist Knight “Ashes to Ashes”

Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame.

OVERVIEW (SPOILERS)

As Montmorency and Jeanne’s forces arrive at Olreans, they meet up with Batard, the cross-dressing cousin of Charlotte and second-in-command to Alençon, Richemont’s younger brother. Alençon is livid about his sister abandoning her post, but this will give him a chance to finally prove himself on the battlefield outside of her shadow. This hope is quickly dashed by the arrival of Ulysses Noire, Philip’s scantily clad alter ego. Jeanne soon shows up to test her strength and the two are evenly matched, so Noire makes her escape for now.

The last battle is considered a victory by the public and the army has boosted its morale, but Montmorency still has to deal with Jeanne’s unquenchable thir-uh…insatiable desir-um…she still needs the elixir, so she’s kissing him more and he doesn’t know how to feel about that. Astaroth offers him a possible alternative: if Montmorency is able to harness the stone to its fullest extent, he’ll get this smoking hot naked lady who Astaroth has a hologram of at all times for some reason. Montmorency refuses, seeing physically attractiveness as not the beginning and end of a relationship…although as far as options for avoiding being a pedophile, this one seems pretty good.

Battle starts early the next day, with the peasants going rogue and charging ahead, likely to their deaths. Alençon is ready to let them die so that the main characters can use it as a diversion to escape, but Jeanne won’t have it and goes to fight with them herself, so Montmorency goes with her. The tide seems to be turning in their favor until William Glasdale, the “Ulysses Hunter” makes his entrance. With his custom giant crossbow holding the Lance of Antioch (that’s the one that killed Jesus, in case you were wondering, so I guess it makes it ALSO a Philosopher’s Stone!), he plans with Noire to hold Jeanne down while he fires right through the both of them, retrieving both of their hearts and exploding them, a wound that even Ulysseses can’t heal from. Montmorency can only watch in horror as Jeanne dies in front of him.

OUR TAKE

Out of the frying pan and into the fire, I guess. If last week didn’t have enough splintering of the good guys’ forces, this definitely does not help. With the introduction of William Glasdale and a true look at Ulysses Noire’s capabilities, we know the second half of the series is not going to be a cake walk, and us knowing Philip is behind that mask does add a bit of tragedy to the fights with her…or at least they would if I could take anything she does seriously while in that outfit. I understand this show is committed to gratifying its demographic with fanservice left and right, but that’s not what I’m here for, so I can’t let it slide.

But yeah, things look even more hopeless now, especially now that Jeanne is mostly dead. Yeah, I’m not buying for a second that she’s really gone, as much as that would eliminate this “will they, won’t they” between her and Montmorency which should have been a definite and unambiguous “THEY WON’T” from minute one. Though that would require killing her off simply to further Montmorency’s character which I am usually against, but I think the cost would be worth it. But no, she will return and once he has time away from her to process his feelings, it’s just going to get worse on this front. And either way, the death is unconvincing and accomplished poorly, so as a story element, it completely falls flat.

Oh yeah, and let’s not forget the newest addition to our heroes, Batard the obligatory cross-dressing guy character who looks close enough to being a girl and ALSO likes the protagonist so that hentai artists can justify putting him in a ton of porn. Yet another character type that I have seen in dozens upon dozens of dime store anime and yet another that I am more and more hoping goes the way of the dinosaur.

Just the derivative and trashy cherry on top of this derivative and trashy episode. And we’ve only hit the halfway point. Perhaps things will take an optimistic turn for Montmorency and crew in the next few episodes so that I can get somewhat invested in how it all ends, but for now, it’s just so paint by numbers that I can’t consciously give this any genuine praise. On the somewhat bright side, next episode seems to go into Montmorency’s past outside of all of this, and that could be…fun?