English Dub Review: Conception “I’ve Got So Many Kids”

I’ve got kids everywhere, man, I’ve got kids everywhere…

OVERVIEW (SPOILERS)

Itsuki takes down another impurity, using up 80% of the animation budget in about ten seconds. Seems they’ve only finished a quarter of the labyrinth and it’s only going to get harder from here. And the only way to get stronger is to make more Star Children and the only way to get more Star Children is to do more love rituals and the only way I’m getting out of this with my sanity is LEAPING OFF A VERY TALL BUILDING INTO THE SWEET EMBRACE OF DEATH.

*ahem*

So, Mana plans a day at the beach for everyone so that Itsuki can bond with the girls more, but they’re bugged by this persistent bystander named Seiya (GET OUTTA HERE, AARON DISMUKE) who is determined to get with one of the maidens.

After some obligatory beach fanservice, Itsuki goes to spend time with the Gemini maiden, Lilith, who specializes in fortune telling and switches personalities to her more angry side, Lillie, whenever she gets hit on the head. Seems Itsuki’s fortune is that he’s going to die, which…not much of a fortune since it’s basically an inevitability of life, but whatever. Naturally, his life will be spared if they have a Star Child, so off to the bedroom they go. End Part A. There are other things that happen, technically, but no money is worth describing them.

The other half of the episode goes back to Arie, who has a bit of a thing for ancient weapons. One day, she’s visited by Seiya, who’s on the run from Itsuki after getting caught stalking Arie, meaning this meeting should be a lot more worrying than they’re making it. But since Arie is a woman of the cloth, she is able to forgive him easily. She consoles him about not being able to find love and they decide to play around with the weapons for fun. Itsuki walks in at an inconvenient time and assumes the worst, but he gets wrapped up in things too and turns out to be way better at holding weapons. Arie and he go and make a Star Child (and apparently she’s a bit of a dominatrix), but she makes a new friend in Seiya, who I guess is into Itsuki now too.

OUR TAKE

As much as I appreciate us checking two maidens off the list, putting us at just over halfway through, anemic nothing-burger plots like Lilith’s are still pretty irksome. It especially hurts since I would hope the maiden that has MY sign would at least be a bit more interesting than a split personality gimmick. Turns out she is, but only by an inch with her fortune telling schtick that also adds next to nothing. In my couple dozen years of watching cartoons, I’ve seen plenty of fortune telling plots that work with a character’s fear of the future or the ambiguity and chaos of everyday life, so it’s not like this couldn’t have worked had they put even the slightest bit more effort. Not that I want these to go any longer than they absolutely need to, but I’m here to say my piece, dammit, so say it I shall.

The real meat (and by meat I mean discarded chicken leg that has a tiny bit of uneaten scraps which were meant to go to the dogs in the alley) is in Arie’s half of the episode, where she too has an odd hobby like Yuzuha, and it informs her character and sensibilities somewhat. She’s a very spiritual person, but she also collects weapons to…talk to? Swing around? Apparently, it’s not to fight with, since they’re sticking to maidens not being able to fight (despite how much cooler that would be than ANY OF THIS), but I’ll take slightly above bare bones character over nothing. I’m not really sure how that meshes with her being a sadist, though. And it’s nice to see maidens making friends and having lives outside of their Star Child making duties, which is not something I expected to get out of someone like Seiya.

But yeah, five episodes and seven maidens down, and it looks like we should get to the rest by the eighth episode at the latest. The remaining four episodes could be about anything, ranging from further character development for the girls to maybe having an episode or two be solely about action and fighting FOR GODDAMN ONCE. Sadly, it seems one of my greatest fears will arrive with the next episode, as we must now court one of the lolis. How will I live with myself after this series is in the books? This question and maybe more, next time on Conception!