English Dub Review: Akashic Records of Bastard Magical Instructor “The Unmotivated Bastard”

Wait, I think this guy taught some of my college’s graphic design courses…

Spoilers Below

Sistene Fibel is an up and coming mage. She comes from a long line of prestigious wizards and is studying at a magical school with all the accolades it could get. She hands her best friend/adoptive sister Rumia Tingel are walking to school when a harried man careens down the road, running at full tilt. Fearing for her safety, Sistene blasts him away with wind magic, launching him into a nearby fountain. After he comes to, his silver tongue tricks them into admitting that they were at fault for the whole incident and… Well, he takes an interest in Rumia and begins poking and prodding her all over. This earns him another air blast from Sistene, and the two hurry off to class. On their way, they discuss that their professor quit his job, and they will be having a substitute until a real replacement can be found.

In the Headmaster’s office, one of the teachers bemoans the fact that Headmaster Rick (Rick? Really? Well, I guess they can’t all be a Dumbledore.) hired on a substitute without any real qualifications. In fact, this sub isn’t even qualified to do magic the teachers need to know. Doesn’t he have a teaching license? Well, at least he comes recommended by Professor Celicia Alfonia. Who is right behind the teacher and threatening his life with black magic. He takes back everything he said, including the quip about how he thinks this sub will just call the class a “Self-Study” session and sip tea.

Oh. He does do that… and the new sub is that pokey-pervert Sistine met before! How could they have landed with this jerk? He introduces himself as Glenn Radars, and intends to sleep. After much cajoling and a little book throwing from Sistine (now nicknamed “Punchy”), Professor Radars begins to teach… Horribly. His handwriting on the board is unintelligible, his lecture style is groggy mumbles, and he doesn’t even know his material! As soon as the bell rings, he makes a mad dash for the door.

Celicia apologizes to Headmaster Rick. She knows that he’s sub-par, but is willing to stake her professional reputation on him. Rick wonders if there is some deeper connection between the two. Oh, but we don’t have to wonder! We get flashbacks! She remembers trying to convince Glenn to take the job. He complains that he doesn’t want a job, he just wants to be a cool guy and have Celicia keep on supporting him. She unleashes a horrendous energy beam that gauges a perfect circle through the walls of the house. That, apparently, is how mages say “please”. He has no option but to take the job, leaving his life as a kept man behind. All of this isn’t because she’s tired of a freeloader. She just wants to see him live the best life he can.

Scene change: Ladies Locker Room. Sistine complains loudly about Radars, and Rumia tries to console her. This is the worst teacher she’s ever had, and she’s got him for alchemy lab next! Apparently, the only way Sistine can be consoled is to fondle her half naked friend. No, I’m not using hyperbole. We have a good two minutes of Sistine groping Rumia, nuzzling her neck and cuddling her while commenting on her boobs. This is interrupted by Glenn barging in and complaining about having to do the alchemy lab. Every girl stares at him in shock and fear, but he isn’t even phased. He attempts to diffuse the situation by talking. This scene is trite, says he. Every time a guy walks into the ladies locker room he gets pummeled for accidentally seeing the girls in their underwear. For something he never intended to do, he gets assaulted, when you think of it, it’s the men that are the victims in that scenario. Punchy gives him another book to the face, launching him through the hall with a trail of blood streaming behind him. He cancels the alchemy lab, but he still teaches all of her classes, and they are all “Self-Study”

Lunch period and the girls sit to eat. Sistine bemoans Radars’ lack of drive or teaching skill some more. She had promised her grandfather that she would discover the secrets of the castle on the floating island in the sky nearby the town. To do that, she would have to be a top mage. Every day she doesn’t learn something more about magic is a day of her life wasted! This Glenn Radars is wasting her life and making her break her promise to her grandfather! Aaaand he’s sitting down to eat with them. While Rumia engages in a lively discourse about the cafeteria food, Sistine’s anger reaches a boiling point. Just as she’s about to chew him out, she finds her mouth full of peas. After she swallows, he continues to keep her from speaking out against him by stealing her food in kind. Wow! This guy is a piece of work!

A few more periods of “Self-Study”, with his handwriting of the word getting worse every time, Sistine finally has had enough. She stomps up to the desk and threatens him. Her family is very influential at the school. If she tells her father how this sub is acting, he’ll get fired for sure. Glenn couldn’t be happier! He isn’t allowed to quit, but if he’s fired, who could blame him? She removes her glove and throws it in his face. This has become a mage duel. Stakes: If he loses, he has to start teaching for real. If he wins… well, he doesn’t really say.

The terms of the duel are simple. Only Shock Volt is allowed. It’s the most basic offensive spell, the first a mage learns. The real skill comes in being able to shorten the incantation to be able to cast it faster. And as you can see from the picture to the left, he’s completely inept. After getting zapped by her multiple times, he tries to weasel his way out of the duel and its consequences. He runs with his tail between his legs, confirming that he is, in fact, a bastard of a magical instructor.

So, on the more “my opinions of this episode and the reason I hope you really came” section of this review, I’d like to begin by commenting on the animation. Traditional all the way, and great at that. The scenes with Celicia threatening people with her magic are impressive in both art and animation. There was a ton of effort put into this. As it should be. After all, you have to wow people in the pilot. So, then I hear Glenn Radars and Rumia talk and… that sound familiar. Hey! That’s Josh Grelle and Monica Rial! I just got done watching the last show they were on together, Masamune-kun’s Revenge! Oh, and Celicia is powered by miss Morgan Garrett? Well, even if the plot and fanservice-y character design don’t win any points with me, the cast sure will. I look forward to seeing these voices at work in this show and am fully willing to give it a shot. Hopefully, like their last show, this one has enough hidden heart to win me over. Until then, I give this episode seven shock volts out of ten.