Comic Review: Bravest Warriors #34

Apparently, this issue marks three years of Bravest Warriors comics! The writers promise an epic storyline to bring the year to a close. Let’s see just how epic it is.

In the wee hours of the morning, the computer wakes Wallow with some rather loud breeping. There is a distress call from Mirvahda, Plum’s home planet. Her planet is in danger of being eaten by a Colossal Matter Shark. The shark slowly swims through space eating planets. It has consumed seven planets since it was discovered. Unfortunately, the beast is immune to artillery and explosions. So blowing it up is out of the question.

The Warriors try to signal other ships to help but no one is around. Plum insists the Warriors land on the planet to try to evacuate the rest of the population. Wallow tells Chris that they only have space on their ship for 30 survivors, at most. However, there are over 1300 still on the planet and Plum doesn’t want to leave anyone behind.

Since they can’t evacuate the planet themselves, Plum plans to kill the Matter Shark. She fires ion cannons at the shark but they barely make a blip on his enormous body.

Suddenly, Wallow comes up with a brilliant idea. They enlarge their ship’s force field until they look like a tasty planet. Then they draw the shark away from Mirvahda. Once everyone is safe, they’ll speed off into their own safety zone.

Part one is successful but they can’t quite get the attention of the shark. Peach finagles with the holo john and makes their fake planet smell like hot roasted lunch meat. This definitely attracts the shark. They move the shark away from Mirvahda…when they realize that they can’t run away. They had to divert all of their power to the force field and it drained their propulsion. All that is left is being swallowed by the Matter Shark.

Dun Dun Duuuunnnnnnnn!

The side story in this issue is “Beardi Gras.” The boys are all using an anti-razor to prepare for Beardi Gras. They try to get Beth to decide who has the beardiest beard but she is completely uninterested in judging. Instead, SHE uses the anti-razor to give herself an awesome beard!

They land on a planet and rush out of the ship in a frenzy of Beardi Gras excitement. Only to find they are not on Barba Major, the bearded center of the universe. No. They are on Ursa-Three, home of BEARdi Gras. Yes, the entire planet is populated by bears. Impossibear changed the coordinates because no one was paying attention to him. The bears point out the corpses of other people who mistakenly landed on their planet and the Warriors race back to their ship before they are eaten to death!

This was definitely a pretty epic issue. Instead of focusing on fighting or killing a monster, the main story focused on saving people instead. I feel like, for the first time, the writers are really letting Plum take a lead role. She gets to make the decisions on how to handle the shark about to destroy her home planet. And while it is Wallow who comes up with the ultimate solution, it is all based on the fact that Plum won’t give up. She insists on saving her people.

Meanwhile, the side story is hilarious. I have a bit of a soft spot for puns and this story is full of them. Besides, who can pass up an epic beard?