UK Man Facing Jail Time Over Pornographic Simpsons/King of the Hill Images

“Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children?!”

A UK resident and pro-incest activist is looking at hard time for possessing kiddie porn cartoons, including pictures of Bart, Lisa, and Marge Simpson having sex with each other.

Fifty-five-year-old Andrew Smith used the old “research” excuse when he was charged with nine counts of possessing prohibited images of children as young as eight (Lisa’s age), when disks at his home were found to contain 36 sketches, drawings, cartoons, and computer-generated images. Many of the pictures depicted sexual relationships between children and older family members.

“I was researching the legitimacy of incest and downloaded the images to show that from an artist’s point-of-view, incest is love – a wonderful, expressive thing,” Smith said, probably with an erection. Nothing says love like a couple of underage cartoon kids tag-teaming their parents, right?

“I’m not trying to promote inbreeding or the production of incestuously-conceived children,” Smith added, as if the possibility of conception was the main problem with his behavior. Instead, he claimed to only be promoting “the enjoyment of sex and loving relationships within families.” After all, nothing brings a family together like confusing sexual boundaries and future suppressed memories.

Some of the illustrations showed Bart getting a “lesson” from Mrs. Krabappel, and Milhouse hooking up with his mom. (She did always think he was cool.)

Smith continued the excavation of the hole he’s digging for himself by adding that he believes in lowering the age of consent to 12, and that it should be legal for a grandfather to have sex with his granddaughter “as long as she wanted it.” Makes sense, considering we all have a solid grasp on life by age 12, with the ability to make mature, informed decisions regarding what we want. When I was a pre-teen, I was trying to convince my parents that Burger King was an appropriate dinner every night of the week, I thought the Star Wars figurines I was spending all my money on would ‘be worth a fortune one day,’ and was adamantly chasing my goal of becoming a Major League Baseball player. As you probably guessed, I now have washboard abs, am filthy rich from eBay money, and will be replacing Derek Jeter as shortstop for the Yankees next season.

It’s worth noting the types of images with which Smith was caught would not be illegal in the United States, as they are protected under free speech, and none of the pictures were actual photographs. Plus, there are simply too many pervs here in the States to track down. Chris Hansen can only handle so many pedophiles.

Smith, attempting to shirk his pedo label, denied actually using the images for sexual gratification or having any sort of sexual interest in pre-pubescent children. “I hate them,” he said, while attempting to fit his entire foot in his mouth. “I’d machine gun them all.” This is clearly the type of man who deserves to be released back into the population.

“A child should be able to have sex at any age. They’re not children if they have a full erection,” Smith said in a creepy male variation of the saying: ‘If there’s grass on the field: play ball.’ (Maybe more like, ‘If the rocket can fire: just shoot it at any kid or adult you feel like.’)

Despite his convincing arguments, a jury unanimously returned a guilty verdict in less than 40 minutes.

Smith will be sentenced on August 29th.

[Source: Daily Mail]