“Bender Causes Commuter Train Delay” is a Real Headline

Sounding like it should be a news story read by Morbo, Bender Bending Rodriguez was responsible for a two-hour train delay at the Unquowa Road Station on Metro-North & Amtrak’s Fairfield line heading to Grand Central in New York.

Police were informed of a suspicious package (reported to be a smiling face or building with clock hands and an antenna) by a Department of Public Works employee at 5:33am on Friday. Though some witnesses reported it to bear an off-putting resemblance to the Empire State Building, it obviously looks more like the offspring Bender would produce if he banged a clock.

It was later determined to be a school project left by a student at nearby Tomlinson Middle School, Fairfield Police reported in a statement. The young boy had set the Bender box down because he was carrying home more items than he could handle, and apparently had no pride in his shoddy craftsmanship. I’m guessing the project probably didn’t get a good grade, so he left it at the train station because it would likely be his future home.

Rail service was suspended at 6:15am and resumed at 8:30am after a bomb-sniffing dog and human deemed the severed head not to be a threat.

Charges have not been filed, but I think I speak for all of us when I say this seventh-grade terrorist should spend the rest of his life behind bars at Guantanamo Bay.