Review: The Boondocks “Early Bird Special”

Granddad becomes a ho, and is pimped by old ladies. Shit just got serious.

Granddad is still broke, and makes the kids do their best Macklemore impression. Unfortunately, Riley wants nothing to do with his 90’s clothes. And just before Granddad kicks the crap out of him, Huey talks Granddad into getting a job again. So, he gets on the job line, and gets tricked into leaving. There’s something weird about the Mexicans talking about people taking their jobs. I think it’s ironic. When talking to Ruckus goes nowhere, he goes to a job placement place, and gets placed as a TSA security man. After losing his shit over a full sized shampoo bottle, he loses that job.

Next up, he’s a sign guy for a tax place, but Granddad quits that. Huey calls over Tom, who gets Robert to go with him to the old folk’s home. After a terrible song and joke, Geraldine takes Robert to a seedy back room, where he is getting grilled. Turns out that the home is full of angry old ladies who have no one to take care of them. Robert’s need for money acts faster than his brain, and he signs a contract to be a whore…I mean escort.

Robert is all done up nice, waiting for Ruckus to get to the house to babysit. He gets there, and lets slip that Granddad is ho-ing around. Unfortunately, it doesn’t exactly turn out the way he planned. He actually is just a cuddle ho who reaffirms girls self worth. He goes back to Geraldine, where sees Geraldine and her business partner are quite violent. They find a new mark in Vanessa, who is so depressed, she couldn’t find a movie date.

He gets home, and finds Vanessa at his house, with Ruckus and the kids sitting down for dinner. Robert turns a corner, and finds that Vanessa is throwing out all of his old clothes. He decides to keep her, mainly because she sold her house to afford his services. They get interrupted by Huey, because he thinks Riley is talking in his sleep, but he’s actually reading. They leave, and she wants to pay $200 more to have the kids call her Mom. He tries to break up the arrangement, but Vanessa got depressed, until he mentions the arrangement with Geraldine. Venessa wants Robert to get out of the contract so they can be together as a real couple. He brings this to…I’m going to call her Wheels, who just keeps ramming her Hover-Round into his dick.

He comes back home to find Vanessa with her two friends, who are just as desperate to find a man as she was. Ruckus shows up, with a crazy white broad, who jumps right in to massage Robert’s feet. Vanessa ends up crying, thinking there was more to it than there really was. The ladies go to the cops on Robert, who gets arrested on prostitution. He pleas out on Geraldine and Wheels. Robert gets home, and the white girl is still there. Huey tries to talk her into leaving, but when she wouldn’t budge, he mentions that an NBA player moved in down the street. And like the wind, the white broad is gone!

Well, as you can gather, The Robert Freeman Show has returned. This week, he takes a turn at trying to be an old version of Buff Bagwell. That’s right, Robert is a gigolo. The beginning of the episode, until he gets to the old folk’s home, is good set up, except for the tax sign gig. That was just lame, and I think extending the bit with Robert in the TSA would have been a better use of time.

The continuity in this season takes another hit tonight, as well. A few weeks ago, Robert tells us that only money enables his sex life. Now, you’re trying to tell me that Robert actually gives a shit about the feelings of these women, and are attracted to them? I know there are a couple girls, like Luna, who manage to get Robert to want more than a piece of ass. But it’s his drive to get laid that makes Robert Freeman who he is. Come on, guys. They hire people specifically to keep track of this shit.

Granddad’s instant thought of getting laid, when he becomes a gigolo, makes you automatically realize that he won’t get laid at all. I find it hard to believe that in the years of this show, you know this man will never get laid. This plot is too convenient. At this point, I want to see this man have the entire season finale of him plowing bitches. After all of the shit that the writers put him through, he deserves it.

And then there’s Wheels. For someone who has a good chunk of time tonight, we don’t even have a name for her. This episode is just off on a lot of levels. It was funny in spots, but in terms of the past seasons, this just fell flat. There was nothing here to make me really interested, and the few spots that were funny aren’t funny enough to carry the other 15 minutes that were stale.