Shorts Review: Red vs. Blue ‘Oh Captains, My Captains’

Spoilers Below:

Welcome back to Planet Chorus, and welcome back to Red vs. Blue. It’s been about five months since Season 11 of the Rooster Teeth machinima mega-hit ended, and when we last left our soldier friends, the story was reaching the most exciting climax yet – kind of like pleasuring yourself with a noose around your neck. (Editors Note: Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not attempt this.)

We found out that the planet on which the Reds and Blues crashed was a long forgotten UNSC colony planet currently in the midst of a civil war between the Federal Army and the New Republic, a rebel outfit. Working for the latter group, a mercenary named Felix recruited the Reds and Blues to help their cause, believing the soldiers to be the best around, considering they helped take down Project Freelancer.

After a massive battle broke out, Agent Washington, Sarge, Donut, and Lopez were captured by the Feds, which employed a super-soldier mercenary of their own by the name of Locus. The remaining members of the posse – Tucker, Caboose, Grif, and Simmons – agreed to help the New Republic after its leader, Vanessa Kimball, promised to rescue their captured friends and help them get off the planet and head home.

Even with all this plot development, a final twist was added to the end of the season when it was revealed that the Federal Army’s leader was none other than Agent Carolina.

Needless to say, diehard fans of the shows were forced to wait on pins and needles until Season 12 began last night. And it wasn’t just the increasingly interesting narrative that made last season work, but also the abundance of humor, which was a welcomed change after the more dramatic previous few seasons, and a throwback to the hilarious earlier days of Red vs. Blue that made longtime fans fall for the show in the first place.

I’d like to take this moment to say that if you haven’t watched the Season 12 trailer that we posted a few weeks ago, do so now.

When Season 12 kicked off last night at 8pm sharp (EST) on the Rooster Teeth website, it picked up with the new and (hopefully) improved New Republic team reporting to each other via radio, divided up into a Red Team, a Blue Team, and a Gold Team – each with different roles, but all with the goal of engaging a number of enemy soldiers.

Captain Grif, Captain Simmons, and Captain Caboose (a scary thought) were on one team, while another was made up of new characters (one of which seemed like a female Caboose), and Captain Tucker on another, playing sniper with Felix. When the Grif/Simmons/Caboose Gold Team suddenly panicked, shots and chaos broke out simultaneously.

In the end, Kimball came out and declared the training exercise of “Capture the Flag” was over for the day, meaning our friends were never in any real danger.

In Case You Missed It:

1) “Pretty good” is not an appropriate status report.

2) The color arguments will never end.

3) “Go tell the Blue Team to suck a dick and then get in position.”

4) I feel like I’ve watched at least three shows in the last couple weeks where someone yelled, “Suppressing fire!” at one point.

5) Simmons still can’t talk to girls, which is unfortunate, considering his entire squad is female.

Seeing an episode begin with humor right off the bat (under the brief guise of some pseudo-drama) was a relief, considering the potential of this season to turn into another Project Freelancer ordeal. Don’t get me wrong, those were solid seasons, but an almost total lack of humor doesn’t exactly get my motor running.

No worries though, because the jokes were frequent and the laughs were hearty, and the plot didn’t move at all – which isn’t a bad thing with this particular series. Generally it goes nowhere or inches along ever-so-slightly, with major plot progression coming in short bursts only in certain episodes.

Still, those who look for a bit of heart in this series didn’t leave disappointed, as Kimball told the Captains (in regard to the soldiers serving underneath them): “Tell them what they need to hear. Tell them that they can do this. And that next time they will be better.” When Simmons asked if she wanted him to lie, Kimball replied that it wasn’t a lie at all.

So maybe not all is lost, and maybe Kimball sees something in this ragtag bunch of idiots being led by idiots possibly more idiotic than the former. It’s one of those shows where every person that talks is somehow dumber than the dummy that spoke before them. Like watching Dr. Phil or the Kardashians – only this time it’s supposed to be funny, and there’s actually a shred of hope in the New Republic soldiers’ case.

There’s also hope for another interesting and way too involving season of Red vs. Blue, as well as a lot of comedy along the way.

As far as premieres go, one couldn’t ask for much more.