Review: Wild Grinders – “The Tell Tale Board” And “It’s Not My Asphalt!”

Spoilers. This review has ‘em. You’ve been warned.

 

“The Tell Tale Board”-

Today is the day that Lil Rob has been waiting for. His brand new skateboard will finally be delivered. This board comes equip with all the gadgets a young skater would ever need, like cruise control and a hot dog rotisserie. Obviously when the board finally arrives, every Grinder wants their chance to ride. Rob’s sister, Denise, reminds him that she can touch the board whenever she likes and that would render the board much less than awesome. Out of the blue, Rob’s dad decides he wants to spend some quality time and whisks Rob away to the hardware store. Rob leaves Meaty in charge of the board because he can’t trust the Grinders and wants the first ride to himself.

Meaty keeps the board safe for roughly eight seconds before he decides to ride it. Knowing cartoon storylines, we can all extrapolate what happens next. The board gets destroyed in dramatic fashion. Meaty successfully gathers the pieces and puts the board back together only to have it scooped up by an owl and dropped into an already running wood chipper. I hate it when that happens. Rob and Gene arrive home just as this scene plays out. Rob asks for his board and Meaty lies about the accident and blames the whole incident on Denise. Rob begins to interrogate Denise while Meaty begins to hear a heartbeat in his head ala Edgar Alan Poe. The board reanimates and Meaty continues to try and hide the evidence.

As the kids squabble, Gene calls a family meeting to squash this issue. They state their case as the board rolls its undead self into the kitchen. Meaty cracks and confesses. Rob forgives him and gives a little speech about honesty. Then they punish Meaty by making him rub their feet. A great bonding moment for Rob and Denise at the expense of Rob’s pet who can also skateboard somehow.

 

“It’s Not My Asphalt!”-

The Grinders are skating when then encounter the mortal enemy to all skaters (besides cops): Pebbles, stones, and rocks. These little roadblocks can slow down even the best skaters day, but Goggles has an idea. He’s created a sentient concrete that will continually stay smooth. He installs all the boards with “smarshphalt” dispensers and the Grinders head out to skate with the new invention. We then get treated to montage after montage of skating on different terrain/planets.

The Grinders arrive at Rob’s house and begin to talk about their sesh. Jay Jay points out that the new creation is perfect and he’s so happy that it hasn’t turned against them. And wouldn’t you know it, as soon as he finished that sentence the smarshphalt turns into a giant concrete monster. Goggles realizes that he used good nanobots in the mix but he used evil asphalt. The monster goes on a rampage until the Grinders devise a plan. They acquire a huge chunk of Swiss cheese and lead the monster along. Denise steps out of the local Fro-Yo spot and encounters the monster, who inexplicably falls in love with her. They sit atop the Fro-Yo store and split some of the delicious treat. Then the monster inexplicably falls in love with Fro-Yo. But hey, who hasn’t fallen in love with ice cream’s second cousin yet? Rob gathers the Grinders and they take to the skies with Fro-Yo guns. They fire upon the monster and he is destroyed. That is until he reanimates and begins terrorizing the city on skateboard. As the Grinders take refuge in a park, the monster hits a pebble on his board and is destroyed. Talk about telegraphing the ending in the first scene!