Review: Uncle Grandpa ‘Jorts’

Spoilers Below

Uncle Grandpa stumbles upon a plant in the desert. He asks Belly Bag if it’s a space alien, but Belly Bag informs him that it’s a cactus. He tries his best to yank it out of the ground and lets out a little trumpet toot in the process, but it’s no use. Meanwhile, Mr. Gus is doing some cleaning inside the RV, and discovers his old pair of jorts. He thinks back to the last time he rocked them, which was back in 1993,000,000 B.C. He tries them on to see if they still fit. It’s a tight squeeze, but he manages to get them on. When he checks himself out in the mirror, he realizes how absurd he looks. Uncle Grandpa, who’s outside with Giant Realistic Flying Tiger and Pizza Steve, is still trying to get that cactus up. He calls for the assistance of Mr. Gus and his muscles, but Mr. Gus is having his own issue; he can’t get his jorts off. Pizza Steve says that he can’t help, because he has to call the President…with his calculator.

Mr. Gus is in trouble now. He can’t let the fellas see him in those skin-tight jorts. He exclaims that he’ll need a tiny miracle to get them off; unintentionally summoning Uncle Grandpa’s robot helper, Tiny Miracle. He asks him to help. At first, Tiny Miracle snickers at him, but then he hops into action. He unleashes a plethora of attachments, devices, and contraptions, but Mr. Gus says that he’s taking too long to set up shop. He decides to continue to try to get them off by himself. First, he tries to tense up and stretch them off, but it doesn’t work. Instead, he goes flying through the roof of the RV. When he lands back down, he tries to grease them up and slide them off with ‘Auntie Grandpa’s Butter Flavored Soy Squeezins’, but that’s literally a bust when he winds up slipping and sliding right through the side of the RV. Uncle Grandpa hasn’t even noticed that Mr. Gus has been outside of the RV twice already.

Running out of options, Mr. Gus resorts to an extreme solution. He creates a pulley system and tries to lower his butt down onto a revved-up chainsaw. Meanwhile, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger is helping Uncle Grandpa pull the cactus out of the ground. Uncle Grandpa says “One more pull!” With one good heave, the cactus comes up out of the ground, but it turns out to be attached to the head of a giant space alien. It looks like Uncle Grandpa was right after all. If Belly Bag had afoot, it’d be in his zipper.

The alien snatches them all up. Just as Mr. Gus is about to lower himself down onto the chainsaw, he looks out the window and sees that his friends are in serious trouble. He realizes that he needs to go out and help them, regardless of how stupid he looks. He bursts out of the door with the chainsaw in hand and tells the alien to let his friends go. When it gets a look at his jorts, it starts laughing. It keeps laughing harder and harder. Uncle Grandpa tells Mr. Gus that he’s cracking the alien up, and just when he says that, the alien literally starts cracking. Mr. Gus suddenly embraces his circulation-cutting fashion statement and starts flaunting them in the alien’s face. Pizza Steve, who’s still on the calculator, tells Gus that The President is behind him. The more the alien cracks up, the more it cracks. Eventually, it shatters to pieces; leaving just the cactus behind. Mr. Gus’s jorts saved the day. When Uncle Grandpa realizes why the alien was defeated, he refers to them as “fine-looking jorts.” It turns out, Mr. Gus had nothing to worry about in the first place. Everyone thinks he looks great. Even Pizza Steve admits that he looks good, but of course, takes credit for being the one to give Mr. Gus the jorts. Mr. Gus can’t believe that they’re not making fun of him and says that he’s planning on wearing them forever.

Right after he says that Tiny Miracle has finally finished dispensing all of his attachments. The RV rips apart to reveal a giant, tangled mess of tubes and gadgets. Tiny Miracle swiftly removes the jorts, and the gang starts laughing at Mr. Gus for not having any pants on. He tries to remind them that he never wears pants, but they’re still all cracking up.

Man, those were some mighty tight jorts. As we all know, with great jorts comes great responsibility. What responsibility, you ask? Uhm…the responsibility of making the best out of a bad situation. I’ve never been stuck in a pair of jorts before, but I know that if I was, the first thing I’d do is use their comical value to defeat an evil cactus alien. Wouldn’t you? I had more fun watching this episode than last week’s. Mr. Gus didn’t really strike me as the self-conscious type, but everyone has their moments, right? There was a great lesson to be learned here. Wearing jorts that are about eight sizes too small for you may not be a cause for ridicule, but when you’re friends realize that you’re always naked, they’ll probably laugh pretty hard. They might also stop being your friend, but I don’t suggest you test that out. This week’s episode moves up to a 7.5. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll earn that gold star one of these days, Uncle Grandpa.