Spoilers Below

If there is one thing that needs to be taken away from Axe Cop, it’s the following. Why is it that a 5 year old kid can help come up with something so amazingly original, but Hollywood can only muster remake, after reboot, after licensed movie? Malachai Nicolle is so young, he doesn’t know to be afraid to take a chance. Rugburn and Titmouse should be given an award for doing this.

Anyway, this story is so outlandishly insane that you’re going to need a Wiki to keep up. But that’s the thing. The story is so out there, you know it’s by a 5 year old. It also makes you wonder why a 5 year old wants to cut everyone’s head off.

So, the story starts off with Axe Cop and Flute Cop going after the Dinosaur Gang. Flute Cop unwittingly gets dino blood on him, and turns into Dino Soldier. Yes, kids, blood turns you into what the blood came from, more on this later. So, Axe Cop does what any red-blooded American wielding an axe would do: he chops their heads off!

So, those dinosaurs weren’t enough? How about a sword wielding robot? That was episode 2. Explode the head, chop the Pretzel Villain’s head off, as he takes the robot for their armory was definitely the way to go. Episode 3 saw the duo need to raise funds for new guns and swords. So they open a fruit stand. After eating a lemon, Axe Cop turns into Axe Cop, with Lemon. What about Dino Soldier, you ask? Poor guy turns into Avocado Soldier. Some guys sure get kicked in the balls with luck.

One constant I love about this show is that it promotes good, clean hygiene.  If you get blood on you, prepare to turn into that. Also, the characters are literally like action figures; pop something off one guy, and plop it on another. Get Malachai and the writers of the show a Pulitzer, right the hell now!

Telescope Gun Cop and Uni-Baby eat apples and get apple hands that shoot apples (SEE?!). Axe Cop and Avocado Soldier blow up the duo with lemon and avocado grenades, then head back to see that all of the fruit was missing. So, they do what they do best: they take back their damn fruit! They went back to the explosion, and saw that the horn saved Uni-Baby, but broke off. So, Avocado Soldier takes the horn, shoves it into his soft skull, and becomes Uni-Avocado Soldier.

They decide to bring the child to an orphanage to get adopted. They get adopted by the Snoward family, who used to have 1000 kids, and they all died. Uni-Avocado Soldier wishes for the Snoward family to get their kids back, plus 2,000,000,000 more. Uni-Avocado Soldier then wishes for a snow planet, complete with shovels and what they would need to make a full, livable community.

Things were going great until a snowman came to life to eat the kids, and a tree came to life to sing a really annoying song. Axe Cop shows up to save the day, thanks to a dog who fetched them. After melting the snowman, and burning the tree, Axe Cop and Uni-Avocado Soldier think they’re done, until they get a mission from the dog who fetched them.

They need to help Leaf Man to get his powers back by defeating Bad Santa and the Evil, Flying Book. They do another round of tryouts, and enlist Sockarang. The power of Christmas was too much. So they regroup, and get more people: Baby-Man, a wrestler, and Uni-Man. They got the best of Bad Santa, but some of his blood got on Sockarang. He became Good Bad Santa. He stole Bad Santa’s guitar. Baby-Man distracted the Evil, Flying Book so the Wrestler can harpoon the book with Uni-Man’s horn. It turned out that the book is the robot. In the end, Leaf Man got his powers back through a wish from Uni-Avocado Soldier.

After a bit of back story, you are told that Uni-Man and his kid are from another planet, and came to Earth to fight evil. The kid got abducted by King Evilfatsozon. King Evilfatsozon decided to throw Uni-Baby to Earth, and let the Earthlings kill it…which makes absolutely no sense. But I guess that’s where villains end up nowadays. Axe Cop ends up saving the baby, by chopping everyone’s heads off in the area. My hero…

So, they go back to the snow planet, find the kid, Uni-Avocado Soldier gives back the horn, after making a wish to become Dinosaur Soldier again, with every weapon, ever. They go to the alien planet, and have one of the funniest fights I have ever seen, and it lasted for literally 5 seconds. The alien henchmen turn into nanobots, and bite the guys, who turn into nanobots. The nanobots go to attack Axe Cop. One gets bit, turns good, and turns every other bot into Axe-Nanobots.

With all of the bots destroyed, they turn their attention to King Evilfatsozon. They try to kill him with Psydrozon, but being a blob, swords are ineffective. After a long winded monologue (for this show’s standards anyway), King Evilfatsozon is defeated, and this arc is done. You should watch it for more details.

The next arc was The Moon Warriors. I’m sorry, but out of the three, this one was easily the most badass thus far. Ninjas, vampires (ok, I found a vampire character I actually like. Shut up.), and wizards make this very enjoyable. This is where Malachai’s imagine is let loose, and I love it. They come to Earth, and through the hilarious interaction between the two parties, impress Axe Cop enough to join his squad. After a brief encounter with a group of ninja, Axe Cop agrees to help the Moon Warriors with their fight against Vampire Man Baby Kid.

And that, my friends, is where we’re at. To be honest, this show is literally bat shit insane. It took me a good few times watching it to actually understand what was going on. I wholely urge you to watch this. While you’re at it, read the web comic too on axecop.com. This show can only build and get even better.

9 out of 10