Spoilers Below

When I saw the first two episodes of Mario Plush Forever, it looked like nothing more than “Terrance and Phillip” with Mario dolls, mainly due to the fact that the characters did nothing more than fart and talk about farting.

The next few episodes had less flatulence (though still a fair amount, with an ongoing “Fart Curse” plotline) but failed to entertain anyway. Sure, I enjoyed the accurate Mario reference bits for nostalgia’s sake, but for the most part the show seemed like a rinky-dink puppet show that someone improvised on a whim. There weren’t any real jokes and the program basically consisted of the characters saying what they were doing and making bland commentary about it.

In the second half of season one’s 12-episode run, the plotlines and animation/puppetry got a bit more creative, and episode 10 also saw some written-in jokes and gnarly gore. It even came with a warning. But all this only amounted to an unnecessarily-long battle in which I was honestly rooting for every character to be killed; not because I wanted to see it for entertainment’s sake, but because I sincerely wanted them all dead.

Season Two recently debuted, with a revamped intro featuring clips from the first season and a dialed-up rock’n’roll version of the Mario theme.

This was immediately followed with some hot puppet-on-puppet action and a conception scene complete with little plush sperm wearing Mario hats.

Of course there were gratuitous puppet birth images, blood, and vomit right off the bat, along with overly-preachy, anti-circumcision dialogue. A kidnapping takes place, the guns come out, more blood flies, and a week later 52,000+ people are dumber for having watched this.

Don’t get me wrong, I love blood, excessive violence, sexual content, you name it – but this show appears as if it was written (if you can even call it writing) by a ten-year-old with some Mario stuffed animals who must’ve been busy fondling his joystick when they were handing out the imaginations.

Nothing is clever, the characters are boring and interchangeable, and the whole thing is so predictable that you feel like you’ve seen it all before. Even if the show was ridiculously out there and off-the-wall-random I could give it some credit, but it doesn’t even reach that level.

Humorous Mario videos are a dime-a-dozen on YouTube, so how this series has lasted this long is beyond me.

If there was one positive to take out of the Season Two premier of “Mario Plush Forever” it is this: they only wasted 3 minutes and 24 seconds of my life this time around.

(2 out of 10)