The Life of the Modern Day Cartoon: The Hub Edition

Next up is my beloved Transformers. The hub started out so well, airing Gen-1. All is well. Shit, I have the whole first series on DVD, and I still set my TiVo to record it. Then they started airing Transformers: Prime. So, it was a better animated version of the Transformers movies, but that doesn’t say all that much. But I watched it, and it was…meh. It was nothing to kill over. However, that all changed when The Hub started to air Transformers: Rescue Bots.

This show fucking sucks. Transformers: Rescue Bots made me not watch Transformers for a very long time. It is the worst Transformers series, probably of all time. Look at this picture. The transformers look like fucking GO-BOTS! You know, the shit knock-off TF show from the 80’s! There is absolutely no throwback to the past series to pull us older fans in. This alienates us for new versions of shit. In this picture, which one is Optimus? Is he the cop robot? How about the fire truck? Unless you show some form in intuition or have seen the show, you wouldn’t know, would you? God damn, this show pisses me off.

Oh, and kids? Why do the writers insist on putting an armada of idiot children into their giant robot porn? They serve absolutely no purpose, and just detract from the plot. If you say that there are episodes that revolve around the kids, I have one thing to say. Go fuck yourself, and die in a fire. At least the adults in this show try to make things happen. These kids fucking suck. Kids don’t watch Transformers for the idiot human interaction. Fuck that. They watch it for the robots kicking the ever loving shit out of one another. I don’t care if nameless white kid likes the Asian girl. I don’t care about the tension between the Dad and the woman. Can we fucking please get back to the robot on robot violence?

I know where your next argument is going to hit. “But CM, in Gen 1, there were humans!” Yes, there were. But they knew their place! They were supplemental caricatures of the time. By the way, my introduction to the adult language was Spike going, “Oh shit, what are we gonna do now?”

When are the writers going to give the Transformers fans what they want, and give us the war on Cybertron? We got the game, we want it in canon now.  We have run the gamut of Cops and Robbers, rescue team, Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, Good vs. Evil. Please, give us the origin story we deserve.