BONGO COMICS REVIEW: BART SIMPSON #69

Mr. Burns brings a professional women’s basketball team to Springfield; however, when the team goes from worst to first, Lisa discovers a reason to blow the whistle on her father’s unscrupulous boss. Then, Sideshow Bob hypnotizes Bart and enacts a plan to not only humiliate his nemesis but one that will lead to his eventual doom. Also, Sergio Aragones serves up a new installment of ‘Maggie’s Crib.’

Spoilers Below

HOOP SCHEMES

Who knew Mr. Burns has a semi-pro girls basketball team? And who knew that a women’s basketball team actually draws fans to its games despite the fact they have a losing record? Lisa, feeling as if she needs more female role models, absolutely adores the team and begs her dad to win season tickets. The winner gets determined by whichever fan shows the most team spirit as judged by new coach, Mr. Burns, who only got the coaching position after sending ol’ Gil down one of his patented trap doors.

With Mr. Burns as coach, the ‘Reactors’ are on an eight game win streak as a result of his Nucleade energy sports drink and eventually women’s basketball becomes the talk of the town and wins Lisa’s heart to the point where she becomes a member of the Squishee Sensation Squad. Its glory is short-lived however as Lisa stumbles on to a transaction between Smithers and a plant employee for a couple of drums of the Nucleade, and we learn that the drink is spiked with enough Uranium to help the players become 10x better then they really are. After finding out, Lisa threatens Mr. Burns that he will go to the papers and tell the world of his lies, that is until Burns offers her a spot on the team. But, of course being part of the team means you are part of the process, as Lisa starts drinking a bunch of that Nucleade to the point where she becomes the new MVP of the team…that is until Bart finds out! When Bart confronts Lisa of her ‘juicin’, she decides to come clean, and even helps the rest of the team members get clean as well much to the chagrin of Burns who sells the team after enduring another losing streak.

“…BART SIMPSON SHALL DO MY BIDDING!”

Side show Bob creates a flute while in prison that can hypnotize people to do what he wants. His first victim? Bart Simpson! Bart, gets hypnotized when Bob places his one call, then plays his flute over the phone, thereby hypnotizing Bart. Bob places two trances on him, one to eat his own shorts(which Marge stops), and the other is to play with the girls during recess. Bob then places a second phone call in which he tells Bart to go play in traffic, thankfully some very slow and sticky traffic with the help of a honey truck. Bart has about had it, so he gets his sister Lisa in time for Bob’s next phone call, and battles Bob’s flute with a lil’ Lisa sax which destroys the flute and puts Bob in a trance of his own!

 

I felt the first story of #69 started off slow but finished OK. Some of the dialogue was very generic and not deemed to fit some of the characters with examples including Burns’ speech and Carl talking about “Kit-and-Kaboodles”. I also can’t buy the fact that all of Springfield would give a damn about a girls’ basketball team…I mean have you seen the crowds at WNBA games? That’s right no one goes to them. The next story was pretty funny, as it centered more around Bart and his ongoing feud with Bob and together with Maggie’s Crib actually helps save this whole issue of Bart Simpson from the bowels of terrible to the throne of mediocrity.

(7.0 out of 10)