Shorts Review: “Fist-Man: Strongest of the Slab-Bodied Slab Lords”

 

Spoilers Below

If you couldn’t tell from watching Robot Chicken, the guys at Stoopid Buddy Stoodios really love playing with toys. This is apparent in their short, Fist-Man: Strongest of the Slab-Bodied Slab Lords. This short switches between animation and live action sequences that resemble commercials for Fist-Man action figures.

It starts out on some planet that has at least two purple moons. There is an awesome looking evil lair. It looks like a dragon eating a hyena eating a snake eating the front door. The evil lair belongs to none other than Zantor the Doommaker. It looks like all of his skin was shaved off, bringing “muscular” to a whole new level. He tells his purple lackey about his plan to rip Fist-Man’s skin off of his muscular body with a torture rack cleverly named the Rack-Tor. The lackey seems more interested in reading his book, “The Fountain,” than anything Zantor has to say. I’m not sure if Zantor wants to wear Fist-Man’s skin or just make Fist-Man suffer the same affliction that he has. Probably both.

We then see what appears to be a commercial for Fist-Man toys that shows a Fist-Man action figure strapped into a toy Rack-Tor. A child tugs and stretches out the rubbery flesh of the toy Fist-Man, while a voice over yells, “Stop Zantor! It hurts!” This is completed by the disclaimer at the bottom of the screen that reads, “Skin-Splitting Fist-Man and Rack-Tor each sold separately.”

Apparently that plan failed because Zantor tells his lackey about his new plan. “The vicious Attacknor will eat Fist-Man alive!” Again, his lackey has his nose in a book. This time it is “Our Bodies Ourselves.” That brings us to another commercial with a child making a toy Attacknor (like a cross between a gorilla, an ant, and something out of Alien) eat a Fist-Man figure. The odd voice over in this one claims that, “My parents’ love for me is unquestionable!” I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be Fist-Man or the child. Either way, the makers of these toys have their asses covered with the disclaimer, “Kramm-O Brand Toys and Petroleum Bi-Products Co. takes no responsibility for the level or duration of parents’ love.”

When that plan fails, Zantor then proceeds to more extreme measures. He decides to use some shape-shifting cloak to transform himself into a “seductive maiden” to gain Fist-Man’s trust. We are then treated to a commercial featuring a Zantor action figure wearing a dress and a long blonde wig. The voice over, presumably the child, says, “Awesome! I don’t understand…” According to the disclaimer, “Fashion Storm Zantor is part of a balanced breakfast.” Back in Zantor’s lair, Zantor seems a little too happy fantasizing about the wedding. His lackey asks, “And then you’ll kill him, right?” Zantor replies, “I haven’t really planned the whole thing out yet, but sure.”

While sitting in a chair and reading “The Secret”, the lackey suggests that Zantor just use his Battle Wagon. Zantor thinks that’s a great idea and opens the door to leave. But he finds a note on the door saying that they cable guy was here and will be back sometime between 9am and 6pm. Whatever planet Zantor is on, it looks like the cable guys there aren’t any better. Zantor looks at his watch to see that it is currently 8:55. The lackey uses this opportunity to have a day off. He explains to Zantor that he doesn’t really need him there for that. Plus, there’s a Zumba class at 9:30. So lackey grabs his pink duffle bag and leaves. Foiled once again, Zantor raises his fists in rage and shouts, “Curse you, Fist-Man and your Slab Lords!”

It then ends with one last commercial featuring a Fist-Man action figure in disguise as a cable man. There are two boys playing in the background. The voice over says, “Get your free Cable-Man action figure!” The voice over then says some really fast disclaimer as the boys are attacked by the Attacknor.

If you’ve seen Robot Chicken, then you probably already know how much the guys at Stoopid Buddy Stoodios love playing with He-Man toys. With Fist-Man and Zantor, they have created their own versions of He-Man and Skeletor. It is fun to see Zantor hatch his plans and then see them acted out with the toys in the commercials. It is a bit short, but I suppose that it could get old if it ran for too long. That being said, I could see the animated part of Fist-Man turn into a series. And perhaps with a few commercials for the toys, as long as they don’t over do it. If you are in the mood for something short that might give you a few chuckles, then check out Fist-Man: Strongest of the Slab-Bodied Slab Lords. You can view it and other Stoopid Buddy Shortz on the Robot Chicken page of the Adult Swim website.