Comics Review: Simpsons Illustrated #26

Where’s the Wingdings?

Spoilers Ahead

“Yes, Flanders, There is a Santa Claus”

Fed up by the excessive commercialization and secularization of Christmas (especially the very goofy opportunism at the Kwik-E-Mart), Reverend Lovejoy goes on an epic rant of a sermon. Flanders takes this message to heart more than the rest of the flock, despite being the least guilty. So he disposes all his decorations that are not specifically religious and makes sure for good measure to tell Rod and Todd that Santa does not exist. Bart and Lisa take it upon themselves to rekindle the holiday spirit in the Flanders boys, but their plan may involve an uncomfortable amount of home invasion.

“Yes, Flanders, There is a Santa Claus” is not the most hilarious Simpsons story ever told, but it acquits itself mighty fine in the heart department. The spirit of Lisa is alive and well as she saves the day by delivering a rousing speech to declare that the spirit of Christmas is alive and well despite how much it has been co-opted by capitalism.

“Freezer Burns”

It’s the coldest winter in Springfield history, so Mr. Burns offers unlimited nuclear heat … “at a mere 500% markup.” This of course sparks a riot from a classic Springfield mob, which often seems like the only way anything gets done in this town.

This is a quick-hit, 5-page story, with solid contributions from several members of the angry mob: Homer, Mayor Quimby, Comic Book Guy, Willie, Lovejoy, and even Flanders. The ending is a nuclear future with Treehouse of Horror-worthy imagery.

“Hibernatin’ Homer”

After devouring a bit too much holiday feast, Homer decides to sleep away the extra pounds via hibernation, thanks to a new concoction from Professor Frink. But just because he is snoozing does not mean he is lacking for adventure. Fat Tony and his crew mistake him for an old associate nicknamed “Sleepy” and then various marketing types in desperate need of a “quirky character type” hire him on the spot.

The joke here is that Homer is so compelled to eat and drink mass quantities that even a little thing like a months-long slumber cannot stop him. And that is a satisfying, character-specific joke. Keep an eye out for the rest of the Simpsons clan subbing in for Homer at the power plant (Lord knows Mr. Burns doesn’t notice).
“Kiss Me, Bart Simpson”

It is time for Springfield’s annual “Mistletoe Run,” an event created to ensure that all the boys of the town, “no matter how ugly or unwashed,” are able to find wives. It is now largely symbolic, but this year Principal Skinner is offering tickets to a “Dustin Beeber” concert to whomever can kiss the boy who is the target of the run. And he has rigged the selection to ensure that the mark is a certain spiky-haired fourth-grader.

The idea that all citizens are legally bound to participate in the Mistletoe Run is one of those perfect bits of Springfield lore. But the funniest part of “Kiss Me, Bart Simpson” is actually how much Dustin Beeber resembles a young Homer.

“Everybody Loves a Parade”

Homer wakes up the whole family at the crack of 2:00 AM so that they can get the perfect spot for a parade in which Lard Lad shoots free donuts into the crowd. While he is successful in dragging them out to the corner of “Yummy Street” and “Nom Nom Avenue,” he struggles to keep them awake, despite shameless appeals to the things they care about. Alas, after all that effort, he is the one who is asleep by the time the parade actually starts, while everyone else realizes how right he was in talking it up so much.

Maybe it was because this is the last story, or maybe because there is a funnier gluttonous Homer tale earlier in the issue, but “Everybody Loves a Parade” does not do too much for me. It could be that it is just too painful to witness someone missing out on the donuts he craves so much.

SCORE
7.5/10