Shorts Review: Losing it with John Stamos featuring ‘Perez Hilton’

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Spoilers Below

What the crap did I just watch? There were so many things wrong with this episode that I don’t even know where to start, except to say they all revolved around Perez Hilton being in this episode, and generally existing in the world.

So let’s lay down the law here. First, Perez Hilton is not a celebrity, he’s an annoying toolbag that writes about celebrities; the worst kind of journalism. (Yes, way below cartoon journalism.) I’d rather hear Al Roker tell the tale of losing his virginity, while acting out the different scenes, wearing a speedo, than listen to Perez talk about…well, anything. And what the hell was up with Hilton’s sad attempt at growing acceptable facial hair? His fuzz-spattered excuse for a beard makes Chaz Bono’s chinstrap look like Abe Lincoln’s. That’s right, you heard it here first on Bubbleblabber: Perez Hilton makes Chaz Bono look like Abe Lincoln.

Anyway, Perez’s “losing it” story was about four sentences stuck in the middle of the four-minute video. The rest of the episode is a bunch of random and uninteresting stories about his coming of age. And he tells it in the irritating voice of his. I’m not even

sorry if anyone that likes him is offended by these statements. Anyone who likes him should be locked up in a room with him, Carrot Top, Miley Cyrus, and Sarah Palin. This room is also known as Hell. Only it could actually be real

And to clarify, my disdain for Mr. Hilton has nothing to do with him being gay; Gonzo Green is a friend to the gay community. There’s just something about his garbage profession and his snarky attitude that makes me want to chuck him down a well.

Only plus: this episode had puppets. But even puppets weren’t enough to save this one.

About Gonzo Green

@Gonzo_Green is a chronic sufferer of Pre-life Crisis Syndrome. He drinks frequently, and wears hats sometimes, with these events occasionally occurring concurrently. Gonzo also likes watching baseball, and putting ketchup on foods that ketchup has no business being on. He enjoys rock’n’roll from the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s, when rock was rock, and meaningless repetitive phrases were frowned upon. But it is what it is.