Review: NFL Rush Zone: Guardians Unleashed – “The Return of Drop Kick”

So just to catch everyone up to speed: The NFL is actually an elaborate cover up that hides 32 pieces of a mystical gem. The mascots for each team protect these gems, which are hidden under each stadium. If any evildoer were to get his hands on the gems they could easily take over the Earth. The Guardians are few pre-teens chosen to be the Black Ops that assist the mascots and, with the help of some NFL players, a show is made.

This weeks guests are Danny “I’m Wes Welker without the drugs” Amendola and Matt “At least we play Tampa twice” Ryan.

The kids are at football camp in beautiful Canton, Ohio. They are headed to the lake for a swim when Tua realizes he forgets his watch/transponder. When he heads back to the cabin alone, the Anticorians and a robot that was created by RZ who kinda looks like a whiny butler kidnap him. The Anticorians are out to kidnap the rest of the Guardians so they leave the butler in charge of Tua, who they’ve got holed up in a cave. Tua hides inside of the cave and draws the butler in. When the time is right, Tua strikes and escapes the cave. The other Guardians are on the hunt when from out of nowhere Danny Amendola and Matt Ryan appears. They’re volunteering at the camp this year and were just practicing before camp really starts tomorrow. They ask the councilor’s son to lead them back to the guest cabins after giving a speech about superstitions and “doing what you need to do.” Either the scriptwriters are piss poor on this show athletes are truly idiots. And yes, I do count my year in freshman football as my qualification for being an athlete.

When the pros walk away, the Anticorians attack the Guardians. After a quick battle, the Anticorians are defeated and head back to lick their wounds. Tua wanders around the woods when he thinks he sees a beast or chupacabra or something. Turns out it’s Danny Amendola and a St. Bernard who were out looking for him. They head back to camp where the Guardians are reunited. After the coach walks away they are summoned to the Georgia Dome for a security breech. Probably just another hole in their offensive line, amirite??? Another battle ensues and the bad guys are able to make off with the Atlanta Falcons gem. Though they lost the gem, no one is hurt so the day is saved.

Then Danny Amendola and Matt Ryan tell ghost stories. I’m not kidding.