Review: Mike Tyson Mysteries “Your Old Man; The Gift That Keeps on Giving”

 

 

Overview (Spoilers Below)

Pigeon wakes up very ill. He’s probably dying. Or maybe he isn’t. Either way, he’s pretty old—at least three in pigeon years. When Mike looked up a pigeon’s life expectancy, Siri told him it was 3-5 years. When I googled it, the answer was more ambiguous. It looks like, given the proper circumstances, pigeons can actually live up to fifteen years.

Anyway, Pigeon is pretty bummed about his potential death and decides to visit a former girlfriend who he impregnated years ago, back when he was human. Marquess and he visit this Michelle woman who is second-generation Chinese. Pigeon meets his son, Jun, and is immediately disappointed. The kid only cares about his own selfish needs and wants nothing to do with his birth father. In other words, he’s a lot like Pigeon.

Michelle also reveals that Jun wasn’t her only child. Her dalliance with Pigeon produced twins, one of which she gave up. She left this unbecoming girl—who already wore glasses as an infant—on Mike Tyson’s doorstep back in November 2000, weeks before the world was introduced to the phenomena of hanging chads. Mike took the child in and raised her as his own. To this day, he still enjoys her faux Chinese pancakes for breakfast. Oh, in case you haven’t put it together, it’s Yung Hee. Pigeon’s daughter is Yung Hee. The old bird decides not to tell the girl about her true parentage and instead opts to maintain the status quo. Except, maybe he won’t sexually harass her as much in the future.

In the next episode, the gang wants to get away from Deezy’s dreadful housewarming party taking place inside Mike’s pigeon coop, where Deezy now lives. It’s so boring, they opt to take a slightly less boring mystery just to get out of there. Unfortunately, as they’re leaving somebody knocks over a candle and accidentally burns the coop to the ground.

The mystery involves a couple who sent a thank you card to another couple who invited them over for dinner. However, that couple sent them a $100 bouquet of flowers to thank them for the card. Unsure of how to respond, Marquess suggests a nice, moderately priced bottle of wine. When they don’t receive any response, the first couple sends the team to feel out the second couple.

After buying them a set of ceramic roosters, the team visit the second couple only to learn that the husband is a damn drunk and the wife took the wine as an affront to her hubby’s “problem.” Foolishly, Mike invites the couples to his place so they can work things out. But when he sees they each bought him a gift, he won’t allow them to cross the threshold into his home.

The two couples instead meet in Deezy’s rebuilt pigeon coop. They seem to be working out their problems until the drunk husband knocks over a candle that burns the second coop to the ground. Both couples are killed.

 

Our Take

It’s funny that after all his experience dealing with pigeons, Mike Tyson wasn’t aware of their average lifespan. He also should have been a little more concerned when so many burned up in the first pigeon coop fire. Oh well, that’s just Mike being Mike, I suppose.

Anyway, since Yung Hee came to live with Mike after the 2000 elections, that would mean she’s either nineteen or twenty. That seems right. It’s kind of hard to tell based on appearance—in which case she could pass for any age between twelve and forty—but she tends to act like someone in their late teens or early twenties. So good job, I guess.

How does everybody else feel about the change in this show’s canon now that Richard/Pigeon has been revealed as Yung Hee’s biological father? It’s a little unnecessary, sure. But let’s not forget that such a revelation will probably be completely forgotten by next week’s episode. It’s not a program with heavy continuity, folks. That being said, why the hell is Deezy still living adjacent to the mansion?

It’s nice to see that every episode doesn’t have to end with a gruesome death. I mean, obviously “The Gift That Keeps on Giving” ended in exactly that fashion, with four gruesome deaths. But “Your Old Man” had a much nicer ending. How marvelous is it that despite their differences, Yung and Pigeon can still enjoy a nice game of catch? After all, it’s the little moments that make life worthwhile.

Gregory Austin

A writer, editor, voice actor, beta reader, and foppish Buffalonian socialite. On social media I discuss writing, cartoons, comic books, and why the Communist Manifesto really should've had pictures.

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