Review: Kuu Kuu Harajuku “Happy Slam/Retro Fiasco”

Does Gwen Stefani have a hit here?

Nick Jr. is finally airing more episodes of Kuu Kuu Harajuku, a preschool-targeted show created by Gwen Stefani.

The appropriating aspects of Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku fascination have already been thoroughly discussed since the debut of her song “Harajuku Girls” in 2004. I only bring it up again because it ends up creating a shaky structure for the basis of a kids’ show. For the most part, Kuu Kuu Harajuku is just a show about five girls in a pop band, HJ5, who happen to be modeled after the Harajuku style. It’s successful in that way. But the show’s insistence of overusing the word “kawaii” (a type of cuteness specific to the Japanese culture) muddies its effectiveness. At this demographic, kids shows need to really rely on structure. If I was young and watching this show, I’d never be able to grasp the definition of kawaii by the way they so frivolously use it. As an adult, I just get annoyed. I understand you’ve learned the word kawaii, but please stop using it when it’s not even relevant.

That being said, I enjoyed parts of the show! Just parts. Kuu Kuu Harajuku looks like it will be very hit or miss. The differences in these two episodes are perfect examples.

Spoilers Below

Happy Slam

HJ5 is trying to learn a new dance, but Baby is struggling. Baby is the most childlike one, her most defining trait being her lack of intelligence. This is just one of many details that imply the show isn’t very aware or concerned with the types of messages it’s sending out to its audience. Also in this opening scene, HJ5’s manager, Rudie, immediately cements himself as my least favorite character. He’s annoying and he acts like he owns the girls. That’s probably how managers really are, but again, I don’t like seeing it in a kids’ show. Baby is sad she can’t pick up the dance moves quickly, and Rudie is pretty rude about it.

“The thing is, without it, we’re doomed. But, no pressure!” he annoyingly over-exaggerates. Way to throw the premise of the episode in the kids’ faces instead of letting it actually play out.

But, see, Rudie has good moments, too. He tells Baby, “Hard work has a time and a place, but trust me, nothing, I mean nothing, beats the feeling of achieving your goals with a nice unearned shortcut.” I like that line. It’s funny and it practically sets up the rest of the episode right then and there. As an adult, I know exactly what’s going to happen and the lessons learned. Children may have limited experience with this concept, and having it laid out before them will help them to recognize the patterns in the future.

Rudie gives Baby some rejected body control bracelets he stole from Love (the smart, scientific one). Of course, they malfunction. HJ5’s performance ends up at the “museum of expensive, breakable objects”, and that’s the type of kids’ show logic that I can get behind.

It all turns out okay in the end. Famed producer Twisty T shows up and starts selling broken objects branded as his new creations and makes the museum a lot of money. Although, it kind of feels like the kind of shortcut I thought we just learned to avoid.

One last thing – why does Gwen Stefani show up before and after commercial breaks? Kids won’t know who this woman is. It doesn’t make me want to leave the TV on to catch a glimpse of Gwen, either. Get out of here, Gwen.

Retro Fiasco

The episode starts with Rudie barking out more orders. “TV time’s over!” You’re not in charge of me, Rudie.

There’s this famous 7-year-old fashion designer, Chic Zeke. HJ5 wants to go to him for new outfits for their next gig, but Rudie says no. He tells them it’s a retro concert, “a celebration of songs and fashion from the past”.

So they go to a retro store, but the lady working there is old and wobbly. This is concerning to me because the retro concert includes music up to the 90s, the decade I grew up in. The girls have conflicting emotions about the retro clothes. They say they’re kawaii, but also hideous, which is absolutely not how the word “kawaii” works.

Angel (the snobby, stylish one) mentions Chic Zeke and the retro clothes gain sentience and go flying out the window!

Then it’s time for a short break, featuring the live and breathing Gwen Stefani. “Kuu Kuu Harajuku, super kawaii, keep watching,” she says, expressionless.

The clothes aren’t possessed like Angel thought. The old lady had just fitted them with nanobot technology because she felt discarded and lonely, like all relics from the 1990s are. Although, Baby likes the retro clothes and Angel keeps putting her down. (Maybe don’t teach young girls that it’s okay to put each other down?) I thought the whole point of Harajuku style was to radiate what feels most authentic to you, no matter how unconventional it is. Or just maybe this show isn’t very Harajuku at all…

The clothes start destroying Chic Zeke’s boutique because they also feel lonely and unloved. The old lady comes in with a retro mixtape to save the day. Then the girls have the nerve to ask, “What’s a mixtape?”.

What’s a mixtape? Why would Kuu Kuu Harajuku willingly alienate every single parent with actual buying power and ultimate power over the remote control? Gwen Stefani doesn’t write this show, but would she want even the generations younger than her to feel out of date? They play the mixtape with songs from each decade and end up liking them, but the damage is done. I know what you really think of me, Kuu Kuu Harajuku. With the clothes back on their side, they fly back home.

I know this show’s not for me, and I can take a hit from a preschool show, but “Retro Fiasco” really did just feature the girls hurling out insults for eleven minutes. They come around in the end, but there wasn’t any lesson learned. Only that I think I just watched a half-hour commercial for Gwen Stefani’s perfume line.