Review: King Star King ‘Pilot’

 

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Spoilers Below

 

Egad! What the hell was that? I think somebody molested me during that show. I actually feel dirty. Me! I was totally naïve before it started, too – all optimistic and such. But now I feel like someone used my brain to mop the floor at a strip club after a gang shootout. It’s like going on a date with a pretty girl whom by the end of the night both reveals herself to be a meth-addicted hooker, and stabs a dude on the F-train.

How did they think of this show? Was it like someone watched Superjail! and said, “That’s good, but let’s do a version that’s totally fucked up”?

Someone should have warned me this was not a show to watch after getting loaded up on whisky and cough medicine. Which I need, by the way, so don’t get all preachy on me.

billy

“I swear to God I’m sick.”

How do I even begin to explain this show in print? Basically: King Star King is nonstop graphic violence, drug use, and sexual content. It’s like one of Hunter S. Thompson’s wet dreams.

The background story is set-up with a brief narration about how “twelve trillion years before the alleged Big Bang, lived King Star King, the greatest hero that ever was.” But you know what? None of that matters. You’ll get lost in the gratuitousness almost immediately, and there aren’t five seconds that go by without a character flaunting almost complete nudity, killing someone or getting killed, or drinking, smoking, snorting, or otherwise ingesting some sort of illicit substance.

Let me just pick a random minute out of the show and tell you what happens:

King Star King flies past animals at a ridiculous speed -turning them into skeletons – drinks a potion, sucks the life out of a kitten, and eats a cake in one bite. After an evil character threatens to take his soul, KSK drinks another potion and crushes & throws a creature at the giant, causing him to fall over and squish three animals that are all mounting each other, as his skull shatters and brain matter gushes out. KSK then rips two giant lightning bolt earrings out of the dead giant’s ears, and humps the air while placing them near his groin. Alright, that was only 30 seconds worth, but you get the idea.

After a while (the show is only 11 minutes long) I began to question how they could even possibly air this show on TV, should it win Adult Swim’s contest. I almost want to vote for it just for that reason. Though in reality it will likely air as is, considering the FCC is really only worried about naughty words and aging pop star nipples. Those things will ruin kids’ lives, but seeing a freakish rabbit diving into & slithering around a woman’s oversized knockers while telling her that her virginity will be used as power, all whilst she is strapped to a table with a circular saw between her legs – well, apparently that’s just swell. I picked that part completely at random, by the way. It wasn’t like I went looking for the most obscene part of the show; I literally just clicked on a random scene and wrote the first thing I saw, and honestly it’s not even the worst of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disgusted or offended by any of this – far from it. In fact, I must give some props to the creators for even conceiving all of this. But it just wasn’t that funny, and I don’t find myself wanting to see more of the show. And since it was more about visual humor than writing, it isn’t very quotable, and I can’t imagine wishing to re-watch any of it. Except perhaps in a way that parallels those instances in college when you’d you pull out something really old from the back of the fridge, open it up, give it a sniff, realize how completely and utterly gnarly it is, and then hand it to your roommate saying, “Dude, you gotta smell this.”

 

SCORE
5.5/10

Gonzo Green

@Gonzo_Green is a chronic sufferer of Pre-life Crisis Syndrome. He drinks frequently, and wears hats sometimes, with these events occasionally occurring concurrently. Gonzo also likes watching baseball, and putting ketchup on foods that ketchup has no business being on. He enjoys rock’n’roll from the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s, when rock was rock, and meaningless repetitive phrases were frowned upon. But it is what it is.

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