“Frozen” Showing Gets “Too Hot” For Some Viewers!

Who here has been to the movies, recently? I’m pretty sure a good portion of you just raised your hands and now feel completely foolish for doing so. Regardless of your blatant silliness, I’ve got more questions. How long was the line to get tickets? How about the line for popcorn? I’m gonna take a shot in the dark and say both were rather long. Wanna know why? Because movie theaters aren’t necessarily hiring rocket scientists to run the show, that’s why.

So when we see instances of movie theater mix-ups, I can’t help but laugh. You guys remember that theater that showed Paranormal Activity instead of Madagascar?  HILARIOUS to me! I can only hope to actually be in the audience when one of these gems actually happens, as I’m sure I’ll feel like a kid in a candy store. So when CinemaBlend made it known that there was a theater in Tampa that had mad a mistake that I’ve been waiting to live, well, I’m sure you can sense my jealousy.

Turns out that some “Art Major” or “Future Screen Writer” loaded in the previews for a very un-PG movie entitled “Nymphomaniac” and slotted them to play over the ultra-PG Disney flick “Frozen.” It’s like living in fucking Fight Club! I can see why the kid got confused, just look at some of these suggestive photos I found while researching Frozen for this article.

Obviously, parents went scrambling to cover up little Johnny and Suzy’s ears and eyes, but at what cost? Are these kids gonna become sexual deviants just because they saw some skinny chick give 1/8 of a bj and spit on a train? Probably not. But somewhere, Tyler Durden is smiling and trying to forget World War Z.

Look, I’m not soulless. The theater apologized for the mistake and hooked people up with tickets to future movies, but we gotta lighten up here. The trailer for Nymphomaniac (SUPER NSFW) really portrays the flick in a light similar to Requiem For A Dream. So everyone that thinks they’re gonna head to this flick in their sweat pants and see Boogie Nights is sadly mistaken. You’re gonna end up seeing an art film featuring Willem Dafoe, Shia LaBeouf, and Uma Thurman. And with those names you really could also be seeing a preview for the next installment of Transformers. This means that Shia’s taking the lead with Willem and Uma looking like giant, robotic monsters.

Moral of this whole story is this: If it weren’t for sex, we wouldn’t have kids. If it weren’t for kids, we wouldn’t have a future (Ed’s Note: Or Divorce). Is this glitch unfortunate? Yes. But stop getting crazy uptight just because you don’t want to have an awkward conversation. That’s called being a parent. Start talking and stop turning America into a nation of pussies, one kid at a time. 

(@chefrichBB) thinks “bully” and “ADD” are tossed around a little too liberally as well. But that’s a different soapbox for a different time.