English Dub Review: Sword Art Online: Alicization “My Hero”

Where have all the good men gone and where all the gods?

OVERVIEW (SPOILERS)

Quinella scoffs at Kirito’s defiance, but he tells her that being human is about taking action. And then clothes turn into the Aincrad outfit because…

…I honestly have no idea.

Anyway, they engage in sword combat, with Quinella besting him. However, a dying Eugeo unlocks his memories of their time as kids to provide more motivation, as well as give him the Blue Rose Sword which becomes red because…uh…

…well, his eyes turn yellow because…???

Alright, well, they fight some more, with Kirito severing Quinella’s other arm before losing one of his own, so she strangles him with her hair until he uses his remaining arm to stab her through the chest (man, if only she had some armor or something, huh?). Gravely wounded, she realizes the only way to escape is use a terminal to enter the real world.

That is, until Chudelkin (who is somehow alive!) lights himself on fire to float his body up to her in mid-air, and proceeds to hump her feverishly as his smoldering, shriveled self burns the two of them alive until they explode, killing them both.

Completely unphased by this appalling sight, Kirito attempts to heal Eugeo, but is stopped, as Eugeo says that he HAS to die, otherwise they would have to fight for whether or not to restore Alice Zuberg or keep Alice Thirty. And so, Eugeo dies, telling Kirito how much everyone loves him, including Alice, as well as naming Kirito’s sword the Night Sky Blade and then taking Alice Zuberg’s memories with him as he goes.
After some grieving, Kirito then uses Quinella’s terminal to find a way to access contact with Rath, slowing down time to talk to them at real world pace. However, he soon finds out that Rath is under attack by an unknown armed group. Kikuoka tells Kirito to take Alice to somewhere called World’s End Altar. Before he can explain more, the armed group cuts power to the facility, negatively impacting Kirito’s fluctlight and knocking him unconscious.

OUR TAKE
If you need a good visual metaphor for this episode, I suppose you’d have a hard time finding a better one than an armless naked lady burning to death as a naked clown assaults her. A series of random occurrences happening with no apparent rhyme or reason completing in a fiery explosion which you can only look up in awe at without knowing how to process any of it. I’ve been told that much of this season’s problems come down to poor adaptation, but if the source material includes that scene, I don’t think any adaptation could have saved it. Putting aside that the only main female antagonist is done in by sexual assault of all things (which is A PRETTY BIG THING to put aside), it’s an awful end to an awful villain with no redeeming characteristics. Can’t say I’ll miss Quinella, but even she didn’t deserve to go out like that.

Then there’s the matter of Eugeo’s death. In contrast, I actually will miss him quite a lot, partly due to him having far more room for development than Kirito, who has hit a brick wall in that regard since the end of Fairy Dance. Though what pains me more has got to be how his sacrifice devolves into just another jerk-off session for how great Kirito is. “See, Kirito? I HAVE to die because I’m not nearly as awesome as you! YOU’D never have reason to turn evil against your will but I did, so I don’t deserve to live! Not to mention you’re so awesome that everybody loves you, even this brainwashed version of my best friend/love interest who met you maybe a few hours ago! So don’t worry, I’ll be sure to take the memories of her knowing me when I die so that I don’t have to be a third wheel. Not like I went on this journey just to get her memories back or anything! It’s all about you, bro!”

And let’s talk about that bit regarding “not wanting to fight over Alice”. Why would there have to be a fight in the first place? The whole point of Eugeo’s journey was restoring getting Alice back. Alice Thirty said several episodes ago that she was fine giving back control of her body to the original Alice. Kirito showed unwavering support for both of these goals and never showed any sign of thinking differently. So how would that fight even start? Not to mention that, regardless of whether or not Kirito and Eugeo actually did have differing views on the matter, it’s not their call to make in the first place! Alice Thirty made the decision, so why doesn’t she get a say in this matter? Oh yeah, that’s because she’s knocked out cold this whole episode and doesn’t have a single line, not even when the memories of her old life are being destroyed by some guy she’s yet to have any meaningful conversation with.

Oh, and the ending? I honestly have no idea what to make of it, other than it setting up the next part of the story.

This concludes the first half of the Alicization arc, which will resume in Japan this coming October and in America sometime later. And that’s just as well because the last few episodes have basically tanked any optimism I had for the series going forward. The ONLY positive of note I can think of would be the visuals, which mean next to nothing when the characters and story attached to them enter a Hindenburg-esque death spiral. Though that hopefully means things can only go up from here.