Review: Squidbillies “The Knights of the Noble Order of the Mystic Turquoise Goblet”

Green-Bluminati Confirmed.

OVERVIEW (SPOILERS)

Dan Halen instructs a blindfolded Sheriff to hand out special invitations to a select group of people. Not that he will ever know which people to give said invitations to. Members only. Members of The Knights of the Noble Order of the yadda yadda yadda. Dan pushes Sheriff out but is spotted by Early, who immediately recognizes the seal of the goblet and interrogates him for intel and shows him all of his compiled evidence of conspiracy theories, ALL leading back to the goblet somehow. I mean, my uncle always told me it was made in Kenya but I never listened! After settling on “the last of a species” as a meal to commemorate their next meeting, Halen sends a very poorly coded message to Granny in order to make her the meal. And then is immediately burned by Dan himself to preserve the secrecy! Early and Sheriff pick up on this and attend the meeting and record the cup’s apparently pretty racist words. And pretty racist it is! And not only that, turns out it’s an alien artifact! And a toilet! And even more not only that, this is all an excuse by Sheriff for why he has an iPhone in his ass.

OUR TAKE

Given the usual middle America topics this show covers, conspiracy theories, and secret societies were bound to come up, but it also becomes a story about what people will do to hide their secrets AND all but outright advertise that they have them. Dan Halen gives the thinnest of veils to his secret club and given his pattern of always wishing to show off his wealth, having a mysterious club that dictates the fate of the world would certainly qualify. Early, being our resident hick has already heard of them and done his research while connecting them to every topical theory out now about former presidents and presidential candidates. Though I don’t see them giving a certain mango Mussolini any proper attention any time soon.