Review: Sex Swing “Billy Zane’s Phantom Pain”

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Spoilers Below

The season finale begins with a grisly car crash, as the band once again runs into trouble with the basics of touring, playing, and generally managing everyday affairs. Jamez is badly wounded by the drive shaft, which protrudes from his torso for the rest of the episode.

Spunky phones Maxx, the band’s manager. While Maxx begins to offer a plan for getting back on the road, Spunky’s telephone loses its charge, and he’s apparently the only one with a phone.

While walking along the road, they arrive at what appears to be a car dealership. Outside its fence, they are attacked by gunfire. Showered with bullets, they are rescued by guest star Billy Zane.

Billy explains that the car dealership once belonged to his family, and is now run by his deranged brother, Willy. Willy promises an insane interest rate on a new van if the band can best him in a death race. Billy and the band work together to solve their mutual problem: regaining control of the dealership so that Billy can manage it and the band can acquire a vehicle.

So the band and Billy build a van, Van Morrison, to take part in the race. “Willy, we don’t have to do this,” says Billy in regard to the race. That sentence might apply to the entire episode. The band wins the race, Billy is reconciled with his brother – only to be double-crossed at the last minute.

The band speeds off in a new, tragically less cool van. Jamez is saved but receives a troubling diagnosis.

This episode was barely laugh-worthy, capping a first season that was mostly forgettable and nearly completely unremarkable.

SCORE
5/10

5/10