REVIEW: METALOCALYPSE “PRANKLOK”

Spoilers Below

Hey guys!  It’s me!  Cybertron Messiah!  Anyone caught sharing this review on a completely unsharable format, including, ripping, uploading, downloading, reproducing or otherwise fucking with this review, will be arrested without due process, held without trial, waterboarded, acts of war, eye poking, throat slashing, and butt humping…taken  care of by our crack team of ninja wombi enthusiasts.  (If you don’t know the wombi joke, I’ll have to tell you it sometime.)

See what I did there?  Parody is the best form of flattery in the world of reviewing.  Why?  I don’t know, I just made it up.  So…the idea of prank calls will cripple Dethklok, therefore send the world’s economy.  Check it out, kids, spoilers ahoy!

So, the latest Dethalbum shipped…on a completely unrippable format, and thanks to Facebones, gave us a few good reasons why we shouldn’t pirate it.  We get shots of different cities in the world, with a Dethtower in the shot somewhere.

Then we get the most ostentatious thing ever.  By ostentatious, I mean, that if it were tried in the real world, there would be riots.  Dethklok does a one note preview of the album.  Go Go Gadget dethboombox!  Now, I may be the only one who thinks this, but what other purpose do the angry face cubes serve besides just being a platform for the band?  I always have the feeling that they are about to do something, but then they don’t.  Damn it, Brendon Small, make them do something cataclysmic!

Then, we see every boat ever made leaving Shanghai, China with copies of the album, going all over hell and creation, to satiate the fervor of the Dethfans, as well as bring the much needed relief of the world’s economy.  Queue Theme.

Ofdenson time!  Everyone here seems ok with the album, but Nathan hates the “pink tomato soup” album cover.  (SPOILER!  Epic Foreshadowing!!!!!)  Then we get the intro into the art of the prank call. (I love this band, but holy shit is Toki and Skwisgaar completely fucktarded…)

Saunas always bring fun times, even in the world of Dethklok.  We get a clue as to how the band is going to celebrate the record shipping which include Skwisgaar is going to finally get some time to play guitar, and Toki is going to watch him.  Murderface is going to spend his time at Club Hedonism watching their Gettysburg reenactment.  Pickles and Nathan?  Well, they’re doing a FRIENDER-BENDER!  But no tequila.  I have that same feeling with rum as it makes me do bad things.

Tribunal time:  They are happy that the album shipped, but are afraid that the prank calling that Murderface is partaking in will shatter the band, therefore, shattering the economy.    Now, this is something that is just getting better.  Getting some doctor with some increasingly ridiculous name making a worst case scenario over something silly, like Nathan getting a girlfriend, prank calling, Dethklok getting the blues, so on and so on.

Falconback update:  Pretty much, again, Dethklok’s album is pushing the economy out of a recession.  Then the tour will have the economy grow.  I swear, why can’t the real world hinge on something like Megadeth’s new album?  Side note:  Went to see them Friday night at PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel.  FUCKING BADASS!!!  We get a little more insight on the project.  It will cost a lot.  And the thriving economy from Dethklok’s record will make it so no one questions the huge spending that the government will do when they enact the project.  Orlaag is afraid that the debauchery and prank calling will screw up the plans.  Selatcia is worry free, since the record already shipped.  (Epic foreshadowing number 2.)

And now, back to Prankklok.  So Toki gets another prank call from Murderface, saying he won two tickets to Splasharoonie Water Park.  Catch?  He needs to go to a specific place, and say a specific place.  So they go to a backwater tavern, and read the secret message:  “I would like you all to suck my dick.”  Skwisgaar realizes it was Murderface.  Jump cut!

Pickles and Nathan are in the middle of planning their friender-bender.  They want to go to Russia for the vodka (naturally, duh) and polar bears, Switzerland for Absinthe jell-o shots and skydiving skiing, Italy for Grapa and art, and London for dry martinis and fuck you Buckingham Palace…I shit you not.  2 most important things: they will not obsess over the record, or drink tequila.  Seriously, Nathan turns into a monster.  So what do they do while waiting to go?  Pre-game the pre-game of the pre-game…just like champs.  They run the house out of liquor (I also know how this feels, I ran out a bar in AC of Jager…yes, a bar in AC…)

So, it’s time for Toki’s and Skwisgaar’s revenge.  They call an ammo place, ordering a bunch of ammo for him.  Oh, and we can’t forget high grade explosives and guns.  Murderface walks in, says he’s off, and they both snicker.

Newsflash:  The world economy is doing what it’s said to do everytime Dethklok ships an album:  It goes on the rise!  Woo!  Oh, and the US treasury released a new denomination: the Klokillion.  It’s one billion trillions.

Now, monster Nathan is sitting in the chamber where the new album’s master copy is, just contemplating, with his bottle of tequila.  Told you nothing good can come from this…

So, Jomfru was right…there were extra sounds coming from Dethwater.  We get a whale talking to Nathan, telling him that he knows what he must do.  He must become The Destroyer.  The weather gets so bad, planes are blown away.  Apparently, the world is coming apart at this point, ships are fubar’d, and the sea is swallowing every copy of the album.

“It’s a sign Pickles, it must be destroyed.”

I swear, Small is a fucking genius.  He is using elements from season 1 as plot points in season 4.  Fucking Genius…

So, as Pickles descends to the chamber where Nathan and the Master Copy are, he sees Nathan with an axe, and he is about to destroy the master copy.  They fight, Pickles lose, and the Master Copy is destroyed.

Jomfru comes on, and makes the revelation that Dethklok has to go back into the water to record.  End episode.

Next episode is going to be ridiculous.  Anyway, this episode was rather intelligent, masked in drunken debauchery.  I know my reviews have been rather high so far, but I think this season so far is really good.  Brendon Small is a genius.  He is finally meshing an overall story arch into what seems to be fully independent episodes, then he weaves earlier seasons into the mix as well.  Dethwater has been referenced once before in season 2.  However, it hasn’t been a major plot point of what seems to be an entire season.  This has me excited.