Review: Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy “Stayin’ Alive” ; “Evolution Rock”

Fuck this show.

Spoilers Below

Guardians of the Galaxy Season Two kicks off much the same way season one ended…like shit. Not QUITE as shitty as a Christmas episode, but a crossover with The Avengers is really just a cash grab for the animated franchise that can’t quite live up to the lofty promise that is the film franchise.

Case in point, “Sweet Home Alabama” being played on Quill’s brand-new and now destroyed iPod. A song heard PLENTY enough on TV commercials and other movies, why not in Guardians of the Galaxy? The reason why Quill has an iPod? Because the Guardians (comprising of a walking tree and a talking raccoon) are just strolling through Manhattan as visitors when they come face to face with the Avengers when trying to get Thanos’ asteroid.

At first, both sides aren’t all that friendly and REALLY it’s a battle on who has the shittiest dialogue ever composed, but soon that all washes away when the citizens of Planet Earth nearly get wiped out by a laser hacked by the one and only…the High Evolutionary. Yep, the High Evolutionary is here and when the heroes are trying to investigate what happens, the super villain grabs both Groot and Captain Marvel and takes their powers.

Unfortunately for the High Evolutionary, he’s going up against the Avengers and the Guardians and he’s on a losing effort to try and drain the Earth’s powers using some sort of a cocoon that Rocket’s gonna trade in anyhow. The baddie didn’t have a chance anyway. Horrid character designs for HE’s henchmen could pretty much guarantee a slam-dunk for the good guys, but clearly, this show is just as terribad as ever.

The dialogue is still treacherous, the character designs haven’t improved, the producers don’t understand why music was put in Guardians of the Galaxy in the first place, and even the Avengers try their best at being poor imitations of the big guys that bring in the dollars. Disney XD needs to get the acts of its Marvel animated franchises together because these things are getting worse over time.