Review: Legends of Chamberlain Heights “Hom*Coming”

It’s homecoming!

Spoilers Below

Grover and Jamal make a bet about who will get a date first. When Randy threatens to fight Andre for “making Cindy break up with him because his sexuality is complicated” Grover sticks up for Andre. Grover isn’t sticking up for Andre because it’s the right thing to do, he just thinks it will increase his chances with Cindy. Hey, do you bro. It’s good to see people making a stand against injustice. The Shit Crew decides to support Andre even more, and start wearing “F.A.G.” (Free And Gay) shirts in order to support the homosexual community. I can already see this backfiring, but Cindy is digging Grover even more and even suggests that Grover might be her “Homecoming King” if she wins Homecoming Queen. Tiiiiiight.

On the other side of things, Malik is losing customers on the block because of its Girl Scout Cookie season. He steps to the perpetrators with the intention of regulating of what goes down on his block, and with a little intimidation, forces the Girl Scouts to leave. I ain’t even mad at the lil’ homie… Girl Scout Cookies are addictive as hell AND they were keeping him from getting money! The competition is real.

The Shit Crew has also decided to help Andre build a float for the gay pride parade. Jamal is wearing a skirt and Hillary seems to be flirting with him hard. I bet it because she thinks he is gay. In Jamal’s mind, however, he’s already thinking about goin’ in raw. Milk thinks that Rachel is going to let him hit it raw too, since his “gay ass step dad is gay and got AIDS and al that”. It even looks like Grover might get to bash Cindy because she can see that he’s “different”. Andre isn’t happy about the lack of production on the float and begins to have suspicions about the motives of the Shit Crew.

Back on the block, the Girl Scouts are ruthless. They’re cutting off the cookie supply to their customers if they buy anything from Malik! They even got his boy Rodrigo hooked to the Girl Scout cookies! That’s cold-blooded man.

When the girls invite the Shit Crew to join them while they get waxed, Andre steps in and cancels the plans. The girls leave anyway, but the Shit Crew is frustrated. That could’ve been their ticket in! But Andre isn’t havin’ it. He confirms his suspicions that the guys are just using their “love for gays” as a front to get some vajayjay. He’s about to phone Cindy and let her know its all a front but the guys beg him not to. I think this is going to lead towards Andre manipulating the crew in order to get what he wants, and the crew end up with blue balls in the end anyway. Andre really just wants to hit something raw himself. Aw man, this entire episode isn’t going to end well for anyone. Andre makes Milk and Grover work all night on the float. The float is fruity as hell too. I feel bad for the Shit Crew because they have now ended up being slaves to Andre, who wants to be Homecoming Queen himself. Andre is a straight up snake though. It seems like the Shit Crew is getting fed-up with Andre’s antics, but he has one last job for the boys. He wants them to break into the principal’s office and stuff his ballot box so that he will win Homecoming Queen. See. I told you Andre was up to no good.

Meanwhile, Malik finds out the Girl Scouts secret ingredient. 100% uncut Louisiana Sugar. He’s forced to take Rodrigo to Cookie Rehab to get him clean.

The next day at Homecoming, Andre wins Homecoming Queen. His true colors are revealed as he does nothing but disrespect Cindy and inflate his own ego. He then chooses Jamal to be his Homecoming King. Andre drags Jamal out of the gymnasium, literally kicking and screaming. Grover has had enough. They set up a plan to sabotage the parade.

Malik has brought in the big guns and brought the middle aged women to move the Girl Scouts off the block. Eating all the Girl Scout cookies have made them fat, and they go to work smashing the cookies and dismantling the Girl Scouts enterprise.

At Homecoming, no one is excited for the Homecoming Queen. In an extremely well-executed plan, the Shit Crew plans to snipe the Homecoming Queen using paintball guns and ruin his dress. Once the paintballs start flying things get crazy. Andre uses Jamal as a human shield and retaliates with shots of his own. Luckily the boys have a contingency plan and the Queen goes down for the count, and save Jamal’s sexuality in the process. The story has a happy ending as Rodrigo gets back on his feet from his cookie addiction and more importantly, Andre is suspended from school for rigging the election.

This episode turned out exactly as I thought it would. Yeah, the Shit Crew used their “appreciation” for gays to try to get in some panties and it completely backfired, and nobody got their rocks off. Who saw that coming? On top of that Andre turned out to be a complete asshole and one manipulative son of a bitch. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, black, white – whatever – people like Andre are wack as hell and deserve no shine. He used every trick in the book to have things his way and in the end he paid for it. Even still, The Shit Crew should’ve just been real from the beginning and been up front about their motives. I guess in some weird type of way this was their karma, because everything backfired and nothing good came out of the equation on either side. On top of that this episode dragged and wasn’t that funny either. I was more entertained by Malik and his war against the Girl Scouts than I was about the Shit Crew’s misadventure. The coolest thing about the entire episode was the appearance of Cookie Monster when Malik was taking Rodrigo to the Cookie Rehab center. Well, maybe the whole paintball sniping covert operation was entertaining but I felt that it was a desperate attempt to save an otherwise lackluster episode. I wonder what Montrel was up to?