Life of the Modern Day Cartoon the Anime Edition

Let me tell you something, brother! It’s about time for the American anime market to pack up shop, and leave get the hell out of my country! I am getting so freaking tired of you god damn weeaboos saying how well this bullshit and that bullshit is so much better than what American animation can push out! And that’s all I got to say about that! I’m going to stomp a mudhole, and walk it dry! And that’s the bottom line, because CM said so!

Ok, now that I have that out of my system, there’s an actual reason to this article. I cannot begin to tell you how fucking terrible and diluted the American anime market…wait, all of anime in general is.

First off, where do you see it on American television? Saturday nights on Toonami? get the fuck out of here. Toonami is a shell of what it once was. The only original programming it showed for the better part of the past year was Bleach. Yeah, there was a 12 episode run of Deadman Wonderland, and the 24 episode run Casshern Sins was, but on the whole, it was all reruns.  And that doesn’t even cover the repeating 3 hour blocks it had when it first came back.  It was only recently that CN did something fucking smart, and did a full 6 hour block. But what do you know, they fucked that up too.

How do you fuck up a simple formula? I am not expecting a full run of new properties. That’s just silly. However, in the first run, there was a good mix of old and new; American and Japanese. That’s what made Toonami relevant for so many years. It introduced anime to the American mainstream.  What did it bring to the table now? Jack shit, that’s what. Innovation is what made Toonami so strong. Hell, even the bumps in and out of breaks and shows are rehashed animation. Does anyone remember the Total Immersion Events? Those made you care about Tom, and what happened to him. Adult Swim Central remembers, and that’s why they’re a fan site. They can’t understand that when something sucks, they need to have the testicles to speak up.  They willingly put money into a pedophile’s pocket (See our article last week about our boycott on PedoCon.) This is what is wrong with the world.

I love how that went on a completely wrong tangent.  Anyway, where is the innovation with today’s anime? Back in the day, you had badass shows like Big O, that forced you to think. That is what was good back then. Everything was fresh. Now, you have the following: DBZ with swords, DBZ with ninjas, DBZ with pirates and fruit, and last but probably least, DBZ with magic. Even Gundam is in this trend now. They’re rehashing their own stories with a new shiny paint glow.

I cannot stress this enough. I used to be a fan of anime. I was a little upset that Toonami died the way it did. However, I think it was more of the poignant speech Tom did at the end of the final run. And this new run, is just shitting all over it. It’s just sad.  11 years, were gone. They had the one night run. I was happy, no, elated. thinking of the final speech.

“Well, this is the end, beautiful friends. After more than eleven years, this is Toonami’s final broadcast. It’s been a lot of fun. We’d like to thank each and every one of you who made this journey with us. Toonami wouldn’t have been anything without you. Hopefully we’ve left you with some good memories. So, until we meet again, stay gold. Bang!”

 With that, we heard the final nail go into the American anime market. The vessel that brought us all the great shows I have listed in my Toonami article last year, but it ended a shell of its former self. I guess heroin really is a hell of a drug, eh?

What’s sad is that anime has turned into what I said American cartoons were back in high school. It’s all just the same rehashed shit over and over, just change the setting and characters. On more than one occasion, I have asked friends of mine why they watch a specific anime. Their answer? They invested so much time into a title, reading the manga, or watching the show, that they just want to know how it ends. They don’t even fucking care for the show anymore!

Here’s a better example. A professor in my school tried to make my class read a book that had nothing to do with the class. The class turned on him. I may or may not have been the cause of it, but that’s neither here nor there. Moral of the story is that when someone holds on to something old and dated, it is going to show.  He didn’t see that it happened, but hey, senility is a motherfucker, isn’t it?

If those reasons aren’t the reasons that don’t make you think anime is terrible, let me introduce you to CM’s word of the week: weeaboo.  The definition of weeaboo is a person who thinks Japanese anything is better than the equivalent of their home country. I used to ride the wave of anime being so different from american animation. My favorite line was always, “If you have seen one episode of Scooby-Doo? It’s all the fucking same!”  My, how age has changed me.  Now, it’s like I said before. Everything can be boiled down to either DBZ with “x” or Gundam with “X”.   Well, I do like Shin-Chan.  But that’s for another time.

I digress.  Weeaboos are so hated, even anime fans hate them, because it gives them a bad name.  Don’t let their over exaggeration of genres fool you. Otaku, Wapanese, they’re all weeaboos. They refuse to acknowledge that there may be something good outside of Japan.  Jesus Fucking H. Christ, it’s like their all miniature, foreign born, Emperor fucking Hirohitos. These dumb shits need to realize that Japan isn’t the best of anything.

Holy shit, if you think one weeaboo is bad, try going to an anime convention. Otakon is the worst of them all. It’s just one big weeaboo convention.  There is so much creepy going on there.  Ranging from the guy in his mid 40’s co-splaying his favorite Sailor Moon character, to the creepy little fucks wearing their stupid “free hugs” sign on their convention badge, to the no-life Asian kids who are all about playing the latest fighting game or Dance Dance Revolution game, they all just ring true with one thing. They will never know the feeling of their penis going into a vagina. And no, watching hentai doesn’t count, you rapist in training.

Personal experience time. I went to Otakon twice. Why? Because fuck my life, that’s why. I thought I fit in, but the more time I spent there, the more time I hated it. I spent more time outside watching the lipstick lesbians hook up. I went inside, I saw the manatee lesbians hooking up. Now, you would think that even if they looked like manatees (dressed up as some silly bullshit anime character that was probably hot), you would think that they would have a gaggle of nerds around them, seeing things they will never see.  NOPE.  That’s where I said I was done.

What I don’t get is how the anime market is “debuting” shows on tv now, that most people could have watched years beforehand on the internet through Crunchyroll, torrenting, Hulu, or whatever other means people use to get their anime. The market is dead on television here. Unless they get the dub out day and time as the Japanese showing, there is no reason to show it on TV anymore. Innovation? that went out in 2005. This is like having the horse, it dying, and you dragging it down the road until that carcass is barely a skeleton. This horse is dead. Please just let it fucking die in peace already. Stick to the internet like most people do.

I think that’s all I got for this. Next week, who knows. I keep screwing with the schedule. So fuck it, you’ll get something. See y’all next week!

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